NINE

I woke up today feeling normal. Nothing special. I was a normal honors student, going about servicing the Monday blues until I was reminded of something I needed to share with friends.

I needed to share with close friends that I am now entering into the 9^th year of being with Mr. S.O.

I am not a counter. I don’t count birthdays or anniversaries. In fact, I did not even remember that it was yesterday that was THE anniversary. I was all, ‘what??? What did you just say again??? Anniversary of WHAT???’ Needless to say, it took Mr. S.O a while to explain to me that there was an actual moment when we actually decided to get together.

I was never one to make a big deal about anniversaries. Sure we went out to dinner once or twice. Phoned each other and send the customary card to help support Hallmark. But I never reacted the way I did today. Dudes, I practically ran down the corridor flaying my arms, knees going in all sorts of directions screaming NINE!

And when that performance was over, I half-whispered, half-screeched NINE at every available opportunity I had for the rest of the day to every poor soul that came within reach.

I am elated to be standing at this point in time. This is the last of the single digits. And if I may say, it has been nine good years. Looking back, I see key events defining both the relationship and the people that we are. Nice to make notes on how we have managed to change the other person for the better.

At the same time, it is bittersweet.

I wonder about those lost time, the disappearance of youth. There is not one day in the past yesteryears that I can take back and make all the better. All the things that I blurted out and never meant still floats in the air, hovering like some hazy reminder. The emotional pain, the excruciating nights after nights of tears, wondering if the relationship is a ‘lost ship’ or if things are at the page of ‘ship yet to sail’.

This relationship probably captured the best and worst of me. And if given the chance, I would jump at the opportunity to erase all the moments that have placed me in a bad light. Those needy, inconsolable moments when I am much weaker than I know myself to be. I want to take away that unreasonable monster that I sometimes become. DAMNED. I want to be perfect.

Unfortunately, someone else already broke it to me that nothing is ever perfect in life. And that happiness only comes from dealing with what is on your plate and working with what you are given. Afterall, we live in a world of 'never enough'. Still I think I will settle for my plate. It is not in any way the best, but good enough is enough for me.

And there is that gladness that overwhelms me. I have been utterly blessed with a rock, my dreamboat of sorts. It has been nine long years, but I am still being worked on. May that be the best part of all nine; the fact that I am being worked on and yet accepted for who I am. How do I even begin to get past the first nine? I honestly don’t want it to go.

Here is it, the inevitable farewell to nine good years and a herald for (hopefully) more bittersweet moments of truths.