Farewell My Friends

All is well. All refers to the presentation, the report and all the other little nuances that lie in between. It is a little sad though, being at the end of something that was enjoyable.

The eating and drinking that happened in the celebration of 306s death life was held in the Mendel Lab. Father Mendel would be so pleased to know that in addition to eating generously salted chips and drinking in the lab that was named after him, we also gushed beer. Yipee!

Beer tastes so much better when they are chilled in clearly labeled ice-buckets. They kind of remove the ambiguity, so you know what to do with those sticks of liquid gold.

In case you are still lost, you kind of put them in your expandable 37 degrees incubator and your body will process the samples for you effortlessly.

Beer in and beer out.

Triple S

At the risk of sounding like a 3rd grade nanny or a whiney little girl, I must say that there is more that can be done.

I was walking home today, reflecting on how easy my first year here has been and I realized that I have friends to thank for that. It was not easy because I was good. It was easy because the hiccups were expected and the horrors of this other culture were waved unceremoniously before my eyes while I was juggling the logistics of moving here.

I wonder if I had not meet those amazing people while working prior to coming here, would I find this life as easy as it has been? Would I have struggled? Would I have fallen? Would there be another way to meet them if I had not met them through the workplace?

Key questions with no clear answers.

Is there a way to bring seniors who are here closer to the juniors who are looking to be here? Is there a place to convey to future generations of students that life here is not as bad as what they think it might be, and that it is also not better, just different?

These are the more important questions, worthy of monetary reward through the fabulous system called triple S.

Funeral for 306

Tomorrow marks the death of 306 as we know it.

Well... 306 has been alot of fun, the seminars and paper presentations that allow us to drift off in class was the BEST. MH was the ever comical host that made me smile. It means alot to me to witness the life of a breathing mouth-pipetting professor with an intact sense of dark british humour.

Legend has it that he has once stuck his head into the fumehood to mouth pipette some volatile chemical like Methanol or Phenol. The fact that the chemical is in the fumehood and he puts his mouth to the other end of a hollow glass tube immersed in the chemical amuses me. All hail MH!

MH aside, to say our heartfelt goodbyes, we will be putting up short skits presentation describing the miniproject that we have all been doing and then entertaining a short Q&A. After all the wayang business, I am glad to say we will be having a BBQ with a few beers on the Genetics Lawn, next to the Genetics Building.

I just wish that my group members actually have some slides by now. I have been angsting over their lack of interest which also explains the top grade headache that I am entertaining. At least I am proud to say that T has manages a cross for the linkage part. For the rest, I hope it will miraculously fall in place tomorrow. Which I am pretty sure it will. =) Cross your fingers for me!

I hope the death part does not spill over to the presentations. Otherwise, I love a good wake with BBQ and beer.

Movie: Walk the Line | Notebook: Chapter of Friendship

This is now officially the longest title I have to date. But it is important because both converged on the same cosmic line today.

Remember that a few posts back I posted a chapter from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. Since then I have been reading his works and visiting his bits and pieces daily, finding a certain freedom and joy in what he has immortalized.

Selfish me me thoughts aside, I thought it was interesting that his name kept popping up!

While watching Walk the Line (the movie) today, the book ‘The Prophet’ by Kahlil Gibran was the book that June Carter handed over to Johnny Cash as a gift. My heart skipped when the screen was flashed.

Oh my, is it a sign that it is a book that I am destined to own. Hah! Childish of me to assume that coincidences revolve around my private wimps and desire.

All that said; here is another one of my favorite chapter from the same book. I absolutely love the first two lines. But the same question remains, which hold more prestige, the satisfaction of a person wants or needs? Food for thought people!

Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

- From the Chapter of Friendship in ‘The Prophet’ by Kahlil Gibran -

Blackle and Google

Ever heard of Blackle? It is actually just Google crossed over to the dark side, literally! How cool is that. And Blackle was actually born out of 1 single blog post, discussing about how white background loads on the computer actually consume more energy than dark background pages. I think you can read about it more at the about tab at the blackle page.

To show my support, and to adopt a bit of greeness in me, I attempted to change my blog background to a darker shade. Too bad it didn't suit my style. Apparently according to someone, he said that it was too moody for me. Ok... I was thinking along the lines that it was too classy for me. So, sorry to all the green people, no black background cause it cramps my style.

So now we know that Google is BAD.

More dirt on Google can be found at the help pages. Apparently, it is not possible to post a single blog post as private or password restricted on Blogger and that Xanga allows it. Blogger has not managed to do anything about this despite it having been on The Wishlist for the longest time.

What made me chuckle today was not that Blogger and Google is sub-standard and 2nd class. I have found a way around this by posting my private posts as drafts. Chuckle-worthy instead was the irated reply of a guy name rat on some obscure IT help forum. His reply to why blogger has yet to put in this feature is as follows;

Lord, God, there is no WHY with Blogger. They do what they do because they
CAN and nobody can stop them. Small changes take place all the time that
apparently satisfies the Blogger Execs. They do take suggestions at the
Wishlist, but they don't answer anyone or say "That was a good or bad idea!"
Again, why do they do that? Because they CAN!!!

Silent Symphony

There is one of those playing in the sticky heat of the summer. The leaves are all starting out on the trees along the pavement in University Square. That is save for 2 trees.

Those 2 trees were not pruned, it struggles to bud new leaves. The other 10 or so were cruelly pruned when in winter and now is reaping the glorious gifts that have been returned to them.

In a way, it is a reminder of the way God works. I need to sit back and allow God to work his ways in me. I need to be grateful that I am sometimes granted, and sometimes not, privy to things that I believe I deserve. That spiritual/emotional/personal growth can only come with the willingness to be hurt and be wrong so as to begin to accept something that is closer to the truth. As someone said to me the other day, 'The toughest steel go through the hottest fire, the strongest soul go through the deepest soul searching'.

And it is also a figment of the true fragile state of nature. That a small event, can generate different reactions in different models. And that sometimes, something ugly can produce the most impressive display of art. And that small events should be appreciated. For that I must say thanks, for being the respectful one. And for not giving me a generic identity. For listening. For just being.

Idiosyncratically, it also reminds one that life is resilent. That it takes alot more than a few severe cuttings to cripple a soul. That despite death being a single solitary terminating event, it is actually pretty hard to get there... And that means I should get off my arse and start on the list of things that I should actually be doing...

Heh... Joy

Problem with Thinking

The problem with thinking too much is that you tend to overanalyze.
The problem with thinking too little is that you will fail to realize.
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Today Mr Merriam and Mr Webster would be proud of me. The word of the day was lacuna, and it refers to a small gap, blank space or a missing part.

It is in me to explore the ways of using a new word that I have just learnt… an odd way of expanding my vocabulary…

I made a sentence that went along the lines of; a lacuna in time was created with the recent fainting episode.

So out of curiosity, I counted the number of times I have fainted in my life and I found 8 incidents. And you might be amazed that I had actually felt that the number should be closer to 2 or 3 rather than the feat worthy number of 8.

It is amusing how I felt that the events are separate and of different issues rather than looping them together as part of the same problem, despite them being the same.

Best Bits of Lectures...

The best bits of lectures are the fleeting moments when you know that the person lecturing is alive. Capable of humour and error. They are also the best bits cause you learn nothing except a small tiny glimpse into the speakers' personality.
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During an introductory lecture on how cancer is the inability of cells to retain controlled cell growth, on the ways that cells lose their ‘brakes’…

Prof walked backwards while speaking passionately about the intricate beauty of
the cell cycle.

He promptly turns to check on his progress across the
stage. Alas! A loud crash into the whiteboard setting his specs flying and
balance askew.

The professor sheepishly smiles at the concerned class
and says, ‘Guess I lost my brakes.’

At a different lecture on how DNA repair mechanisms work. While on the slide depicting the types of repairs that are initiated,

Above said Prof was standing comfortably and confidently, a perfect picture of
the guy who knows what he is talking about. He asks dramatically and
rhetorically, ‘So what needs to be repaired?’.

The projected slides flicker.

A frown, he looks down at the array of master controls sitting
right in front of him and repeats with increased conviction, ‘So what needs to
be repaired?’

He looks up only to observe another flickering event. With
a steady hand he presses a few of those mysterious buttons with their
accompanying clicks.

Satisfied that the presentation is now bug-free, he
announces, ‘The projector needs to be repaired.’

Embarrassed laughter from the students all around and things resume.

Displacement of Self

Everyday, questions float in the abyss of my mind, waiting to be answered. Some are rude and annoying in nature, constantly knocking hard and loud on my skull and demanding the eventual pairing with its’ better half, an answer. Those are the easy questions. Others are quiet, almost barely there and requires the effort of a silent heart to hear it.

This is the cumulative direction of all the silent questions.

This is about the gradual demise of a persons mind and memory. A man I should have known better, and taken more effort in knowing. A man, whom I am afraid, will one day look at me and not know or understand my presence, or how much his approval and thoughts will always mean something to me.

I guess it was just always easier to assume complete ignorance of the pressure of time and age when you are in the company of people who love you, or rather in this case, love the people you love.

In a sick way, I feel that in my heart I have been sort of expecting this unexpected turn. Being the eternal and somewhat comical optimist that I am, I can list you benefits and plus points of this situation. A large part of me knows that I should not be entertaining those disregardful thoughts. Still, somewhere inside, I know that I cannot deny myself of that silver lining that I am seeking because it will one day be the only reasoning voice when the eventual becomes the event.

I need to accept graciously what I instinctively want to fight. I need to be able to sit and wait, with patience and obedience. To anticipate without hatred or displeasure, the very things that I want to be furthest away from.

Armed with the smallest silver of faith, I have no more use for hope. I need courage and strength to walk this known path of concrete and stone.

Hiatus|Chasm of Absence

Mr SO is currently on hiatus, from his usual routine. He is conferencing with his highly attractive housemate whom I believe he has a thing for. Kinky bits aside, his absence makes me feel plebeianic, because I have one less outlet where I can do the things I love to do to feel alive.

But the break is good in a tiny way since I get to experience more random events… and do things that I usually never ever do.

For example, I skipped a complete night of sleep to chat online with friends while attempting to complete a report for school. Tsk I know. That is so something that KM parents would murder me for. Heh

But it was surrealistic on a certain level, watching the sky turn watercolour shades of yellow and red when your body is yearning and longing for the much needed sleep. It just doesn’t seem to match for the weirdest of non-reasons.

Another milestone during SO hiatus is my drinking of bubble tea. I am usually well disciplined. Okay…. maybe somewhat disciplined. And since being here, I have yet to splurge on self-pampering devices...

Oh the cool cool rush of liquid glucose transversing my veins. It made me almost miss South Canteen Bubble Tea.

On a separate thought, its amazing what stress can reduce you to. Evident in a chat with someone whom I have yet to speak to for like the longest time, a self-declared slave of the current SMU system;

Me: Bullshit!
S: Nah, its bearshit. It’s now a bear market, not a bull market.
Me: Eh, this is now lameshit…
S: Shit! Now I need to get you one of those movable wheelchair toilets.
Me: Rubbish. This is so going into my blog.

Hey, if you are reading S, I think you are in need of some therapy.

Notebook: Chapter of Marriage

Reading these lines now as oppose to when I have first heard of them stirs up something new in me. I now see a certain truth that I have failed to notice earlier, but at the same time I am still certain that there is still immense worth in his words that I am still lacking to see. But for now, the newness of this discovery and dawning is enough to last me till the next addictive dose.

Mind me not that I share, the words of wisdom that brought me to my weepy state again this morning.

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cups but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

- From the Chapter of Marriage in ‘The Prophet’ by Kahlil Gibran -

Harvests of a 24 Hour Thought

Someone told me yesterday, that judging from my recent blog entries, I seem happier recently. And that he was happy for me.

It got me thinking.

Was I really happy? What made me happy? Why was I happy? Did I only seem happy? Did I deserve it? What did I do to feel this way? When did it all started?

Not that great a thing I know, since my mind is really my greatest vice.

But I really cannot resist the reeling of the wheels. The turning of events. The flip and flop of the things that is neither here nor there.

Every cell in me wants desperately to call a judgment. To be able to say I agree or I don’t. It’s the scientific part of me that needs a conclusion. A potent ending, to the never ending questions.

I am glad to pronounce that I found my answer.

In the midst of a welcomed hot shower, and in the quietest acceptance that I am only the now. It only matters that I am happy. No amount of fingering will yield this as a replicable fragment of time.

And so I found my peace. There is no why, who, how, what or when. No justification. No quick explanations. Not even the slightest stir.

Just a complete circle of resignations, of agreements. That I am happy.

And that. Is enough.

A Birthday Ode

They say that no gift is better than the one requested and it is true indeed. Here is something to your name, like it or not, it is you. I can already hear your protest gurgling from the back of your throat. So leave it, drop it. And begin to accept it.

Don’t you dare discount my two cents of poetry for anything less. If it is beautiful, it must then be right and true. If it is inaccurate, you have insulted me by calling me a liar. So be very wary of what you say. And oh, happy birthday by the way. Heh.
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The measure of a man can only be measured by the opinions of others.
Never by the sizing up that is done in the privacy of your personal mirror.
That is just not accurate; remember parallax error and other errors possible.

For the person who measures so peculiarly the many virtues of others,
And judges so accurately the subtle blemishes in the faces of others.
Your mirror reflects only your magnified flaws and diminished sparkle.

And may that be your largest flaw.

Of course it is kept in mind that hell will conclude this chapters’ production.
Masquerading a list of flaws; when I am only willing to list a solitary one.
But what use is a list when one is colossal, masking the many others?

Try again next year, when I can see clearly, a better complete list.
Maybe I can then try and sieve the honest hidden shortcomings,
From your many imagined lack of virtues, once the lone ghost disappears.

Because, your perceived best quality, remains one of your very worst.
Marriage of your best scope of objectivity to your sublime mentality,
Sculpts the tyrant that you endearingly adore, and yet should violently avoid.

That is your largest flaw,
Being so very accommodating of the thought that you are the absolute worst.
When in truth it appears, you are not that bad at all…

The Man I Married

Just about a year ago, on one of those bored afternoons in the life of a laboratory worker, a group of us started on perfect answers to enquiring questions posed by Significant Others...

One example:
Question: What will you do if I died?
Perfect Answer: -in a dramatic voice- If you die, I don't want to live too!

So today, I was being the ever irritating spouse that I usually am. Triggered by Mr.SO claims of needing the new macbook as his current one is already 'old'. The conversation goes as follows;

Me:Will you ever tire of me after we have been together for many more years?
Mr.SO:No, I don't think so. Even if I do, it would mean that there is someone else who needed my attention more.

-dramatic pause-

Oh my goodness, does it mean that he will never leave me but will leave me for someone else? Wait, isn't it worst!

-end dramatic pause-

Mr.SO: Our kids



And there you go, I married the man with the perfect answers.

Euphorically High (Literally)

It was with a stranger, by the traffic light between Alan Gilbert and the Medical building that I felt hopeful and happy. It is rare for anyone to feel this way when it is so close to the exams and assignment datelines.

It began with a gush of wind sweeping the cotton-like seeds into the sky and swirling it as if the world at that moment was this huge blender.

She: It's so beautiful.
Me: Isn't it so yeah?
She: -sigh-
Me: -sigh-

And there we stood, 2 mesmerised strangers bound by our own amazement. Indeed it is a beautiful world.

Pseudo-Happiness and Happiness

I love to blog jump in my free time. Reading the blogs of people in know gives me immense satisfaction when I know that they are leading a great life and the life that they truly deserve. Reading the blogs of strangers exposes my mind to another world of thinking that I will never ever be involved in. And that is what is great and beautiful.

A few days ago, I learnt the concept of pseudo-happiness through blog jumping. The art of believing and thinking you are happy when your life is not as great as you wished it to be. And I feel that I have been practicing that since a very long time ago. A large part of that is due to the fact being that I am a runner, not a fighter. I rather ignore and have imagined absence rather than acknowledge the issues I cannot solve or understand.

And that is so darn pathetic.

And because it is pathetic, things are about to change.

I no longer require convincing. No whiney sessions of begging to cheat my mind into thinking that things will be better. Because there is nowhere that is better than now.

15 Reasons Why I am Happy. Because;

1. I am alive. Physically, mentally and emotionally.
2. I am never lonely, despite loving my moments of being alone.
3. I have Mr. SO, who both loves and hates me but irregardless, possesses an insatiable appetite to accept and recognize my efforts/thoughts whether they are futile, intelligent, stupid or dumb.
4. I have my family, who may or may not always share my views but are yet willing to blindly provide support, even when they know I have already lost.
5. I have my friends, who give a damn about what I do and how I feel. Who will listen or at least pretend, and give their true and honest opinion even when they are risking my wrath and our friendship.
6. I have acquaintances, to sit next to me in lectures and wave to along corridors.
7. I have worries and troubles, without which this life would not be worth living.
8. I know people whom I used to care a great deal about but now no longer. Evidence that I can let go and a constant reminder to be more careful of others, because they too, get hurt.
9. I no longer worry about the bills, the roof over my head or anything that can be obtained by monetary means. Not because I have them but because I now know they don’t really matter anyway.
10. I am no longer crippled by the prospect of tomorrow or the future because everything is negotiable now that I know people to negotiate with.
11. I still care. I am a willing victim of hurt and insults. I can still risk the arm or leg that I need to risk for the minute gains that can never be promised or delivered.
12. I no longer barter with God, because I recognize that I am and will always be below him and yet above my physical self.
13. I still do think the best of others and give them the benefit of the doubt even when I have been hurt. Not because I am soft but because I can still see the goodness of others.
14. There are people whom I am proud of and people who are proud of me, even when they never ever mention it.
15. I know I can go on for forever on this list.

A Not So Blue Monday

Blogging during a 2 hour break between lectures and a quick trip to the laboratory can give you amazing insights on what you can do, and where you love to be.

Monday started out being a little blue. Literally blue. It was cold and unfriendly. Still, the main surprise lies in my productivity. I was amazed at my own contributions and efforts at shifting things from the 'to-be-done' pile to the 'never-to-see-again' pile.

Never to be seen again was my writing of the Proteomics Practical logbook for about 15 pages straight. 3 weeks worth of back-log and 3 days of actual experimental data vomitted out on U-grade notebooks actually look pretty. =) And whats even better is that my discussion actually made sense! Who would have thought that I would find protein unfolding -makes a yucky face- even mildly interesting yeah?

Between the busy clockwork motion of school and the racist remarks of the junior call center supervisor, I also realised mentally something new. I actually did miss school.

Oh... I think I am finally losing it. 2 months to being home, and I finally lost it. Shame.

Moments of the Future

It makes me laugh. Every single time I type an email out to D and my Godmother SH, I always imagine their amused giggles in response to what I am writing and I have to laugh to release some of that self-contained laughter.

It might be kind of weird to hear this but I hold D and SH a little dear to my heart. Thoroughly unexplainable and completely irrational but facts are often stranger than fiction.

With the bouncing emails discussing things that we will do when I am back, I am more than a little apprehensive as to as how I will be spending my time in Singapore. I hate doing nothing; inertia has never managed to please me much. And there are limits to how much you can do with working class friends.

I guess the only person I know who will be free is my younger sister, being in secondary school and all has its perks. Then again, she will be engaging in ‘intellectual conditioning’ due to school commitments that spill over.

So maybe I can be a driver. Fetching random family members and friends all over the tiny islands to their outside commitments while I remain transportation-ally committed to their commitments to outside commitments?

No way. This is far too mind-boggling. I think I need to put myself up for baby-sitting to allow myself entertainment in the form of torturing others.

Singapore Day @ Melbourne 2008

It is Singapore Day today here in Melbourne. So we trickled down to the Sidney Myer Music Bowl to bask in the Singapore spirit.
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First of all, the spirit is never complete without the queuing, which everyone gladly participated in. To survive the snaking long wait we first found a friend, cut the queue and proceed to chat and laugh. Spotted some ‘monkeys’ wearing their secondary school uniform and did random gossip about sporadic people that walked by.

Apparently, going to Singapore Day was the equivalent of boarding a flight for Singapore because no bottles of water were allowed in. And even if the bottles have been emptied, it’s still not okay. Tsk tsk tsk… how typically Singapore. Law by LAW…

While there were moments that disgusted me and reminded me of why I hated the Singaporean culture, namely the ‘I-got-pram-so-I-got-right-of-way’ attitude, there were also equally good nostalgic moments that made me miss the place I called and still call home.

Peering into the exhibits instantaneously brought me back to the state city and the late night shopping and outings that are impossible here in the continent that stops moving at 5pm on most days. mobtv vouchers remind me of the addiction to the idiot box every weekday nights at 7 and 9 pm during my childhood where homework exists in the realm of fiction. Small tiny square country erasers make me think of those errant moments in primary school where you refuse to listen to the ongoing class and instead choose to play the flipping eraser game under the table with your classmates.

And as I was walking home, I thought about the food that I had the blessed fortune to sample at the event. Chilli crab, Nasi Briyani and Roti Prata. Then mentally I started to list the food items available at the school canteens during those school years. I almost forgot that a plate of Char Siew Rice cost only 80 cents. And a bowl of noodles at my Secondary School was 50 cents. Wan Ton Mee is $1.20 and a chicken nugget 30 cents at the Chinese Cooked Food store. How much things have changed, or is it just me staying the same...

Singapore is a landscape that is constantly shape-shifting. 3 months away and you can feel a difference in the way the air sits. Returning to Australia after 2 years, I still see the same bits and pieces. In a way, familiarity is comforting and yet still, change is undeniably exciting and thrilling. Makes my blood race, with joy. Makes me love the way that Singapore is despite all that it isn’t.

And I know my next sentence would make SO feel the thud of his heart. But it makes me want to make it my home for always.

Freebies Galore; A Singaporeans' Favorite.

Terms and Conditions All Still Apply

It Comes and It Goes

Melbourne is a beautiful place. Now that’s a fact no one can deny.

One of my favorite places is the University Square. I walk through this open park every morning as I make my way to school. And if I were to cut through it after school, I often see couples making out blatantly on the soft dry grass! –grins widely- I am not a fan of PDA but a visual reminder of love is always welcome in my favorite place.

I realize that with the coming of spring, the place seems to glow brighter every single day. Perhaps it is the contrast of the bluer sky or the greener grass. But I know for a fact that clusters of yellow flowers (daisies???) are appearing randomly on the green lawn. It’s almost as if they are greeting me! See it and you will know what I mean.

Gorgeous spring flowers

Surrounding these flowers; do you see flakes of white petals? They come from the short trees that line the main walkway. It is a sight to behold when the raging winds in Melbourne blows and you see literally sheets of these fragile petals swept up by the wind and scattered all over the concrete floor only to roll to the lawn and speckle the generous green with its’ translucent white.

It makes you completely certain that there must be some higher power somewhere to coordinate all these orchestrated shows of beauty.