I wanted to say that it has been a long time since I came up here... but that needs no telling since it is an open secret. Heh
Being here in Singapore makes me miss Melbourne. Despite knowing that I am the solitary type of person, I have come to realise that I love the isolation to. Still I cannot discount the good company that I have been with these past few weeks.
One event I have been at was a chalet organised by the ex-office peeps at East Coast about a week ago. =) I can barely remember the people I used to work with, not because they are horrid monsters but because I have yet to meet some of them in a long long time. We had a great BBQ all thanks to the tireless head chef who fearlessly braved the flames for our nicely done chicken wings hehe. Ohhh I loved the marshmellows too, that I BBQed myself... too paiseh to make other people do that for me heh. Easy stuff do myself, cheem stuff let km do.
OHHH then we had this vulgar pictionary session. -laugh madly- Which got tamed by 2 innocent little kids presence. But as soon as the above said kids was gone, the taboo session got wild again. I still cannot forget the hand gesture G used to depict the word Cab. What was even funnier was AK face! All these dirty minded peeps! Hah!
On the second night, we relived the feast by going to the nearby food center and ordering all the great stuff that they were hawking. =) And we tried to compensate for all the feasting by cycling, but we did not make it far to burn any significant amount of calories in lieu of the 'durian husks' that replaced the bike seats.
I still smile at the nice memory of biking down a dark lane. I absolutely love the feeling of wooshing down a dark path at high speed in the middle of the night, with no one around and no sound/music polluting the air. The stars were gorgeous too...
On the way to the sailing club, I kept thinking that the very last time that I ever saw that area of Singapore was from the plane, when I was returning from Melbourne, and that it looked so gorgeously different from the sky. And from the ground, it still had its own charm.
Emo me has to realise something on nights as gorgeous as that. Well, it gets kind of predictable since the issue with D has been escalading for some 10 months now. Time to kind of reach a conclusion and to stick with it. At least there is a certain direction to go toward. -smile wanely-
Monday, December 29, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Way Past Overdue... So Fine Me
Way past overdue was pictures from the Brisbane trip at the end of November. Hehe... I couldn't put up too many pictures, so I chose 4 that I liked the most...
In no order of preference....
This was a picture taken... tadaa... on the plane. (duh!) I loved it for its stark contrast against the gloomy weather of Melbourne. It was nice to see sunshine for once, even though it was only seeing and not feeling it yet.
I have always loved photos taken from the small little window of the airplane. Seeing all the little people outside reminds me that I am only a tiny little brushstroke in this huge painting. Reminds me that I am not the painter, only the paintee.
Hah. The look on Ian's face... Heh. Apologies for the bad photography cause I wasn't really tall enough to take the picture from a higher point of view so that you can actually tell that it is no ordinary fedora he was wearing. That was actually the sorting hat!!! Yups from Harry Potter. We went to Movie World and there was actually a Harry Potter Shop!!! Jealous yet? You minions!
Back to the topic of the all important sorting, it was determined from his calculations that he is from Hufflepuff and that I am from Slytherine... So just to remind all u ignorant people who were not physically there at our sorting. I do have some evil blood in me. Although I am quite sure that it would not come as a surprise to most of you.
Another Movie World Picture. That is me squashed into a small little tweety bird cage. This is the first ride that we both ever took at the place and it was one of those small little kiddy rides. It was embarrassing and hilarious twirling around in the tiny little things and being part of some kid's childhood video tape. See that family of 3 in the background. I swear they were snickering at us throughout the full 5 minutes of twirling action but nobody cares! Cause we are on vacation and we don't have a care in the world!!!
We took many other kiddy rides, like the kids roller coaster. That was scary. I swear that we were pale after that short jostle in the tiny cars. But the best ride, and I mean best in terms of shock factor and fun factor had to be the Scooby Doo ride.
Bear with me while I babble on... and on...
Both Ian and I were a little pale (as said) and we wanted something safe and silly. And tadaa... the Scooby Doo Haunted House was just there. I mean we honestly thought that it was a kiddy walk through ghost house that will have skeletons jumping out of obscure places and giggly droopy masks at every junction. But NOOOO.... it was a hoax. I tell you... a HOAX.
You get into cars on tracks and get taken on a short ride. It was funny and I was screaming at every turn because it was fun to scream. And every time the car slowed down, that dog will appear and intoned in a low and sinister voice, 'Hehhee... Scooby Doo.... Where are you???' Or something like that. I cannot really remember anymore, I have the brain of a bird.
My bird brain is of no interest. The interesting part was.... the car or carriage came to a sudden stop and started to rise like 3 floor levels. Wow.. we didn't know that that would happen... I mean I didn't even know that it was possible. And while we sat in the car and in the dark, I begin to even think that there was some malfunction going on because we were stuck there for what feels like eternity.
And then WHOOSH. the car went over backwards like a roller coaster... my heart misplaced its' rhythm. And then another whooshing event and I misplaced my heart, the organ. Then I looked down and to my horror... All I could make out in the disco-ish darkness was S-shape tracks.
Not one S shape... nor two... it was like so many Ss that it was just one long squiggly pen mark some errant teenage kid left behind at the pen testing counter.
Then as you can imagine, me the wuss and my dearest companion, the accomplice wuss screamed at every curve of the Ss as the car raced at full speed. And to this day, I swear, if condom were invented to contain screams, we both can single-handedly put Durex in business for at least 5 years in that 5 minutes of screaming.
Writing about it might give me sleepless nights. I better end off with something nice.
The last and 4th picture for tonight.
In no order of preference....
This was a picture taken... tadaa... on the plane. (duh!) I loved it for its stark contrast against the gloomy weather of Melbourne. It was nice to see sunshine for once, even though it was only seeing and not feeling it yet.
I have always loved photos taken from the small little window of the airplane. Seeing all the little people outside reminds me that I am only a tiny little brushstroke in this huge painting. Reminds me that I am not the painter, only the paintee.
Hah. The look on Ian's face... Heh. Apologies for the bad photography cause I wasn't really tall enough to take the picture from a higher point of view so that you can actually tell that it is no ordinary fedora he was wearing. That was actually the sorting hat!!! Yups from Harry Potter. We went to Movie World and there was actually a Harry Potter Shop!!! Jealous yet? You minions!
Back to the topic of the all important sorting, it was determined from his calculations that he is from Hufflepuff and that I am from Slytherine... So just to remind all u ignorant people who were not physically there at our sorting. I do have some evil blood in me. Although I am quite sure that it would not come as a surprise to most of you.
Another Movie World Picture. That is me squashed into a small little tweety bird cage. This is the first ride that we both ever took at the place and it was one of those small little kiddy rides. It was embarrassing and hilarious twirling around in the tiny little things and being part of some kid's childhood video tape. See that family of 3 in the background. I swear they were snickering at us throughout the full 5 minutes of twirling action but nobody cares! Cause we are on vacation and we don't have a care in the world!!!We took many other kiddy rides, like the kids roller coaster. That was scary. I swear that we were pale after that short jostle in the tiny cars. But the best ride, and I mean best in terms of shock factor and fun factor had to be the Scooby Doo ride.
Bear with me while I babble on... and on...
Both Ian and I were a little pale (as said) and we wanted something safe and silly. And tadaa... the Scooby Doo Haunted House was just there. I mean we honestly thought that it was a kiddy walk through ghost house that will have skeletons jumping out of obscure places and giggly droopy masks at every junction. But NOOOO.... it was a hoax. I tell you... a HOAX.
You get into cars on tracks and get taken on a short ride. It was funny and I was screaming at every turn because it was fun to scream. And every time the car slowed down, that dog will appear and intoned in a low and sinister voice, 'Hehhee... Scooby Doo.... Where are you???' Or something like that. I cannot really remember anymore, I have the brain of a bird.
My bird brain is of no interest. The interesting part was.... the car or carriage came to a sudden stop and started to rise like 3 floor levels. Wow.. we didn't know that that would happen... I mean I didn't even know that it was possible. And while we sat in the car and in the dark, I begin to even think that there was some malfunction going on because we were stuck there for what feels like eternity.
And then WHOOSH. the car went over backwards like a roller coaster... my heart misplaced its' rhythm. And then another whooshing event and I misplaced my heart, the organ. Then I looked down and to my horror... All I could make out in the disco-ish darkness was S-shape tracks.
Not one S shape... nor two... it was like so many Ss that it was just one long squiggly pen mark some errant teenage kid left behind at the pen testing counter.
Then as you can imagine, me the wuss and my dearest companion, the accomplice wuss screamed at every curve of the Ss as the car raced at full speed. And to this day, I swear, if condom were invented to contain screams, we both can single-handedly put Durex in business for at least 5 years in that 5 minutes of screaming.
Writing about it might give me sleepless nights. I better end off with something nice.
The last and 4th picture for tonight.
We stayed at the Conrad and while we were there 4 dude and dudettes from the UK had a show. Abbamania in case you couldn't see from the picture. It was a great show that we caught at the Conrad Jupiters. They sang and danced to Abba hits. And although they missed some of the key songs that I really wanted to hear, I have to admit I enjoyed it.
The atmosphere was crazy! And it had people standing and dancing for a large chunk of the performance. Us included.
Too bad no one will ever see me move in that spastic retro way again. It was a one night only kind of thing.
Aww... talking about Brisbane makes me want to be there again. At least I don't feel so warm and sticky.
All. The. Time.
Grr... the heat!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Finally...
I finally found the time and what is left of my mental energy to begin writing something serious. And possibly honest. I have no foresight, even to predict the nonsensical turnout of this post.
If there is something serious and honest I should write about, it would be about the weather. It has been my pet peeve and main bug since I got off that plane. Oh the heat! I feel like I am constantly covered in a layer of those balmy greasy things that you apply on a fresh bruise. And no amount of washing and showering can help me.
I feel cheated to a certain extent. Someone... I honestly cannot remember who... told me that I would feel better in about a week. But the imaginary deadline has come and gone and I am still left here feeling well oiled and greased at every and any time of the day. Perhaps in another week?
Patience is key.
On another note, most of my days since being back was spent in boxes. Digging up packed boxes to search for another article that I can still fit into and is suitable for my homeostatic state is no mean feat. Today while attempting to find some collared shirts I found a stack of no fewer then 15 journals. So, a few hours of today was spent wasted wisely on reading the journalled details of 5 years of my life. So much tears shed for so little reason and yet I realised that I will shed them all again willingly. And such is the extent of my bleeding heart.
In addition to the many evacuation of half buried boxes, another few years of my life is entering storage. Permanently. And I am training my mind to ignore the advancing deadlines while dragging my leaden feet to keep time. There is a certain recognition that I cannot ignore anymore the pressing issue of the culmulative moments.
Lobo once said, 'Goodbye is just another word'. And it better be all that it is...
If there is something serious and honest I should write about, it would be about the weather. It has been my pet peeve and main bug since I got off that plane. Oh the heat! I feel like I am constantly covered in a layer of those balmy greasy things that you apply on a fresh bruise. And no amount of washing and showering can help me.
I feel cheated to a certain extent. Someone... I honestly cannot remember who... told me that I would feel better in about a week. But the imaginary deadline has come and gone and I am still left here feeling well oiled and greased at every and any time of the day. Perhaps in another week?
Patience is key.
On another note, most of my days since being back was spent in boxes. Digging up packed boxes to search for another article that I can still fit into and is suitable for my homeostatic state is no mean feat. Today while attempting to find some collared shirts I found a stack of no fewer then 15 journals. So, a few hours of today was spent wasted wisely on reading the journalled details of 5 years of my life. So much tears shed for so little reason and yet I realised that I will shed them all again willingly. And such is the extent of my bleeding heart.
In addition to the many evacuation of half buried boxes, another few years of my life is entering storage. Permanently. And I am training my mind to ignore the advancing deadlines while dragging my leaden feet to keep time. There is a certain recognition that I cannot ignore anymore the pressing issue of the culmulative moments.
Lobo once said, 'Goodbye is just another word'. And it better be all that it is...
Monday, December 15, 2008
Wanderlust
There have been so many questions about the trips that I have been on that I cannot even begin to tell you about them...
Maybe someday when I am more calm in spirit and mind. Maybe someday when I am using my own computer with its own little quirks that I am accustommed to. Maybe one day when I want to actually tell you about them. Heh. In the meantime, be content with my unexplained absences.
In the midst of everything, the honours project have been finalised. Thats a huge load off my mind. =) I am glad in a way that I have managed to make a decision without tearing my hair to bits. All I have to do now is to live with my decision amiacably for the next year and I am free!
Back to catching up with old friends. Its nice to see familiar faces again.
Maybe someday when I am more calm in spirit and mind. Maybe someday when I am using my own computer with its own little quirks that I am accustommed to. Maybe one day when I want to actually tell you about them. Heh. In the meantime, be content with my unexplained absences.
In the midst of everything, the honours project have been finalised. Thats a huge load off my mind. =) I am glad in a way that I have managed to make a decision without tearing my hair to bits. All I have to do now is to live with my decision amiacably for the next year and I am free!
Back to catching up with old friends. Its nice to see familiar faces again.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Weeding out the Food
Even before I was back in Singapore, I have already made up a list of the foods that I want to eat. Since my mother laid eye on that list, she has been one eager foodie, helping me to cross out many of the items on that food list.
It should surprise no one that my food list contains local asian delights. Not that I have had enough of muffins and cakes and what-nots, its just that I am not a fan of food like pasta. And no matter how moist, every cake/muffin will always taste dry to me. Boy am I glad to be back here in the land of self-declared good food.
It should also surprise no one that I actually have a food list. When lunch is delayed due to some silly interference like undecided venue, dining companions can always have the privilege of observing the gradual darkening of my face followed by instant recovery upon feeding. And if you want to have a glimpse of my 'happy' face, just give me good food and I will give you an idea of what eternal bliss looks like.
Food makes me happy. But a certain amount of control needs to be applied on my part. I wish I have one of those amazing metabolism. Grrr.
Calories Consumed
Prata
Ba Chor Mee
Hokkien Mee
Carrot Cake
Or Luat
Satay
Chicken Rice
Steamboat
It should surprise no one that my food list contains local asian delights. Not that I have had enough of muffins and cakes and what-nots, its just that I am not a fan of food like pasta. And no matter how moist, every cake/muffin will always taste dry to me. Boy am I glad to be back here in the land of self-declared good food.
It should also surprise no one that I actually have a food list. When lunch is delayed due to some silly interference like undecided venue, dining companions can always have the privilege of observing the gradual darkening of my face followed by instant recovery upon feeding. And if you want to have a glimpse of my 'happy' face, just give me good food and I will give you an idea of what eternal bliss looks like.
Food makes me happy. But a certain amount of control needs to be applied on my part. I wish I have one of those amazing metabolism. Grrr.
Calories Consumed
Prata
Ba Chor Mee
Hokkien Mee
Carrot Cake
Or Luat
Satay
Chicken Rice
Steamboat
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Home Sweet Home
Its great to be home. =) A certain sort of peace in knowing that you are back at the place you started from.
The heat has been stifling. Coupled with my nonsensical sisters' random mumblings, it attains a new level of intricacy that it resembles some higher form of therapy. Her favourite phrase these past few days have been 'seventy four' in this Spongebob Squarepants accent. All credit goes to Nickelodeon.
I have yet to truly enjoy myself in any way. Since touching down, it has been a whirlwind of doing what others want. But it is great sleeping for more than 7 hours every night and not having the stressful thought of packing at the very back of my mind. As I was saying during yesterday's lunch, it is nice to eat a meal without having to cook or plan for it.
I think I will enjoy my time here back in Singapore. Much more than I expected. And by the time I am done here I think I will be itching to return to Melbourne. And in my sisters' words, ' I will be ready to kick you out of my room in 3 months'.
I feel loved already...
The heat has been stifling. Coupled with my nonsensical sisters' random mumblings, it attains a new level of intricacy that it resembles some higher form of therapy. Her favourite phrase these past few days have been 'seventy four' in this Spongebob Squarepants accent. All credit goes to Nickelodeon.
I have yet to truly enjoy myself in any way. Since touching down, it has been a whirlwind of doing what others want. But it is great sleeping for more than 7 hours every night and not having the stressful thought of packing at the very back of my mind. As I was saying during yesterday's lunch, it is nice to eat a meal without having to cook or plan for it.
I think I will enjoy my time here back in Singapore. Much more than I expected. And by the time I am done here I think I will be itching to return to Melbourne. And in my sisters' words, ' I will be ready to kick you out of my room in 3 months'.
I feel loved already...
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Alert, nonsense post ahead courtesy of guest blogger, my dearest sister.
Hello people!
My sister is feeding me chicken. ☺
This is yale btw (:
Ya for elegant and Le for happy.
Erm. Okay. Small (That’s what I call my 2nd sis) touch downed at 9 plus yesterday evening.
Since then she has been busy.
Busy doing nonsense, that is.
Like shredding chicken and packing nuts to give to other people :D
Haha I’ve been helping her blog and chat on msn.
Aiyah, I dunno what to type. Cos this isn’t my blog. SO I DUNNO WHAT TO WRITE.
So I shall tell you about my stuff instead (my sis approve hor!)
LALALA.
Later I’m going to the Ben&Jerry’s CHUNKFEST!<3
And my favourite flavour is…
.
.
.
.
.
.
(wait for it, wait for it!)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
CHUNKY MONKEY!
Okay lah. I’ve only ever eaten Strawberry Cheesecake and Chunky Monkey. Sooo. Not much variety to choose from lol!
My sis likes the peanut butter thingie. It’s gonna be at the festival later! :D
Gosh I’m only typing rubbish.
But I don’t careeeeeee [:
Lol! Tell you sth.
My sis really bought damn a lot of nuts and chocolate.
And I LOVE the honey roasted macadamias best!
Yayyyy!
It’s the best. Better than the sour cream and onion. And also better than the wasabi thing. Yucks.
Oh yah. SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS HAS STARTED!!!
Bye! :D
Hello people!
My sister is feeding me chicken. ☺
This is yale btw (:
Ya for elegant and Le for happy.
Erm. Okay. Small (That’s what I call my 2nd sis) touch downed at 9 plus yesterday evening.
Since then she has been busy.
Busy doing nonsense, that is.
Like shredding chicken and packing nuts to give to other people :D
Haha I’ve been helping her blog and chat on msn.
Aiyah, I dunno what to type. Cos this isn’t my blog. SO I DUNNO WHAT TO WRITE.
So I shall tell you about my stuff instead (my sis approve hor!)
LALALA.
Later I’m going to the Ben&Jerry’s CHUNKFEST!<3
And my favourite flavour is…
.
.
.
.
.
.
(wait for it, wait for it!)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
CHUNKY MONKEY!
Okay lah. I’ve only ever eaten Strawberry Cheesecake and Chunky Monkey. Sooo. Not much variety to choose from lol!
My sis likes the peanut butter thingie. It’s gonna be at the festival later! :D
Gosh I’m only typing rubbish.
But I don’t careeeeeee [:
Lol! Tell you sth.
My sis really bought damn a lot of nuts and chocolate.
And I LOVE the honey roasted macadamias best!
Yayyyy!
It’s the best. Better than the sour cream and onion. And also better than the wasabi thing. Yucks.
Oh yah. SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS HAS STARTED!!!
Bye! :D
Thursday, December 4, 2008
And so it goes....
...and so it goes...
Thats a song by Billy Joel. One of my current all time favourites. And thats the song that accompanied me this whole emo-ed day.
Packing is a real headache so supreme and prime that it almost becomes royal. Be a witness to the organised mess...
Procrastination is an art. And I just... happen to be real good at it.
Thats a song by Billy Joel. One of my current all time favourites. And thats the song that accompanied me this whole emo-ed day.
Packing is a real headache so supreme and prime that it almost becomes royal. Be a witness to the organised mess...
Procrastination is an art. And I just... happen to be real good at it.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Hi
Hi,
Life as I knew it ended with the end of the exams. Life as I know it began since then.
I have been reading some for the past few days. Watching some of the well-missed idiot-box. It is also now good to go out in the sun or in the middle of the night and lounge around in obscure little cafes drinking warm chocolate and chatting about nonsense bits that holds no meaning.
I wanted to share a small tidbit that I got from Sidney Poiter, but alas, I shall save it for another day. Leaving his worlds to simmer for now in my mind gives me immense satisfaction.
In the meantime, feel joy for me as I experience the last burst of wind before the steamy and balmy year ahead.
Life as I knew it ended with the end of the exams. Life as I know it began since then.
I have been reading some for the past few days. Watching some of the well-missed idiot-box. It is also now good to go out in the sun or in the middle of the night and lounge around in obscure little cafes drinking warm chocolate and chatting about nonsense bits that holds no meaning.
I wanted to share a small tidbit that I got from Sidney Poiter, but alas, I shall save it for another day. Leaving his worlds to simmer for now in my mind gives me immense satisfaction.
In the meantime, feel joy for me as I experience the last burst of wind before the steamy and balmy year ahead.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Adios
As a child, we never believe in the things that parents say. It is almost as if truths from their mouths are dismissed as folk tales. That’s because most of what they say is to scare the hell out of us, to ensure that we walk on the righteous and honest paths for the rest of our life. To force us to lead a life of cowardice and to make us shiver in their penetrative understanding of life and its intricate footwork.
Today, I realize that for all the lies and untruths that my father told, at least one of them is true. I must have been about seven when he conveyed to the wriggly and homework-loathing version of me that the path of education, though fraught with numerous obstacles are also littered with many more enjoyable moments. His advice was to savour the transient period of learning before being ejected into the ‘real-life’ working world.
Now this post is not in any way meant to degrade or insult the years to come. Neither is it for the lamenting of what is consumed and passed. It is more of a celebration of the path of institutionalized learning, beginning more than 10 years ago. At that tender age, no one knew why school was invented and no one knew the value of education. It’s an abstract concept, originating from parents who need to rid their lives of pesky little fingers and high pitch voices.
So all these little young minds trot to school, compare cane welts, parental/family ground rules, pocket money allowance value… ya-da ya-da ya-da. All these while, they gain exposure to obscene ‘outside’ influence, as well as an individual opinion and a sense of right and wrong. Perfect ingredients to formulate the tumultuous teenage years. And during those years, disobedience, truancy and defiance lends its hand to well-formed friendships with perfect strangers that will prove to (hopefully, fingers crossed) last a lifetime.In those years, we also start to question the purpose for our own existence. We wonder if we will ever be able to have a normal, intact and happy family. We wonder if we will find success in life. We ask questions that not even the 80 year old version of ourselves can answer and yet search high and low for a hint of the truth that is to come. And for some, we wonder if we will ever get to university, and get what the world called the basic degree.
University for me got farther when I went to a technical polytechnic instead of the usual JC route that Singaporean take. I am sure I must have disappointed many people with my choice then, but it all turned out for the better. Polytechnic life has imprinted my life in a way beyond my wildest imagination. While it was specific in its’ academic teaching, there was no limits to the vastness of the experience. The people, the events, the friendships (and enemies) are so diverse and enriching that it leaves you gasping for more.Graduating with a technical diploma holds a certain special meaning; it signifies that you are now ready to be employed within the workforce in a certain field. Although most of us knew that we are ready for work, we still desire that elusive college education that we have read so much about in storybooks and heard so much about through all the grapevines. We angst silently over entrance scores and worry about if we are ever going to take it.
Today, that journey has ended, at least for me. The last paper was scripted today, the final regurgitation of every single biochemical and developmental pathway was done. There is a certain loss of direction in my life as if every single textbook from here onwards will have lesser purpose. Powerpoint slides and lectures are already a thing of the pass. I can no longer give the excuse that I am studying to stay up late, pass ungodly hours. And I no longer have the option to skip planned day-time events because I feel like it.There is a certain joyous moment in all of it. Almost like winning the lottery after all these years of random number picking. Except that this lottery feels so much more precious because of the effort and time spent. It feels like a dream, but sweeter. Feels like everything good, except better.
The very last year of my education, and it couldn’t have been more fulfilling without the great people I have met this year. And although biochemistry and genetics were never my first choice for majors, it was a constant engaging experience, one after another. One less potluck and it would seem lackluster. One less conversation would have crippled this year (or at least I choose to believe). Even taking away the bad moments (when S acted out an acute seizure during a graded presentation) would have been disastrous because what is great when you have nothing to compare it to?Adios to my third and final year. I’ll sure miss you, and I believe I have already started.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
3 Loots Maketh a Happy Lark
There is a 30% sale going on at the Borders Store, 10 minutes from where I am currently staying, so I went down to get several books today. That itself made me a very happy lark.
I love books. I love the smell of unopened books. I love running the soft pad of my thumb along the bound pages and feeling the scrape of every single loving page. That act itself is orgasmic.
That said; I have to admit that I didn’t always love to read. All credit for my reading speed and capabilities have to go to my dearest mummy. The process is nothing short of miraculous but that’s another story for another day. Today, my loot takes center stage.
I have to first mention that the Borders in Melbourne City is not very well stocked. I went in armed with a list of 4 specific books but only managed to find one of those in stock. It’s a sad case of unreciprocated desire but I managed to find 2 other books from the back of my memory (and their shelves) to occupy the printed vouchers that I have with me.
The first book; The Seven Story Mountain by Thomas Merton, is ‘an autobiography of faith’. I have quoted Merton on several previous posts and was actually looking forward to get the book ‘New Seeds of Contemplation’ which Borders did not have. Thankfully, they have his autobiography which I have been wanting to read. I didn’t have to look too far to settle for second best. In my opinion, this second best was just as good as the first choice!
The second book is a guide book recommended by common people like me and you on Amazon. It is titled, ‘How to Write a Better Thesis’, obviously! This is in preparation for honours year 09. A little quick to prepare for the death of my academic life and the subsequent birth of my research life, but it is a book that is going to be sitting around till March 09. Not something I want/like to read at this moment, it is more of something I should read.
The last book, is a precious precious book. The Measure of a Man by Sidney Poiter. It’s the autobiography of the first African-American to win the Academy Award. This book was not on my list but while searching for a book to adopt my 30% discount voucher, I saw this on the shelf and knew I had to get it. I knew of this book from the Oprah Show (there was an interview) and it was the Oprah Book Club pick for January of 2007. Ok… I know I am a little delayed in getting this book but hey, better late than never!
Other than the acquisition of yummilicious books, I was also a do-gooder today at Borders. I gave away 2 of the extra vouchers I had to two random strangers in the queue. It was heart-warming to see their smiles, christmas came early! For the others in the queue who stared at me with a ‘why didn’t you pick me?’ look, I felt so terrible but there is only so much that I could do really.
Wish I had printed 10 copies.
I love books. I love the smell of unopened books. I love running the soft pad of my thumb along the bound pages and feeling the scrape of every single loving page. That act itself is orgasmic.
That said; I have to admit that I didn’t always love to read. All credit for my reading speed and capabilities have to go to my dearest mummy. The process is nothing short of miraculous but that’s another story for another day. Today, my loot takes center stage.
I have to first mention that the Borders in Melbourne City is not very well stocked. I went in armed with a list of 4 specific books but only managed to find one of those in stock. It’s a sad case of unreciprocated desire but I managed to find 2 other books from the back of my memory (and their shelves) to occupy the printed vouchers that I have with me.
The first book; The Seven Story Mountain by Thomas Merton, is ‘an autobiography of faith’. I have quoted Merton on several previous posts and was actually looking forward to get the book ‘New Seeds of Contemplation’ which Borders did not have. Thankfully, they have his autobiography which I have been wanting to read. I didn’t have to look too far to settle for second best. In my opinion, this second best was just as good as the first choice!
The second book is a guide book recommended by common people like me and you on Amazon. It is titled, ‘How to Write a Better Thesis’, obviously! This is in preparation for honours year 09. A little quick to prepare for the death of my academic life and the subsequent birth of my research life, but it is a book that is going to be sitting around till March 09. Not something I want/like to read at this moment, it is more of something I should read.
The last book, is a precious precious book. The Measure of a Man by Sidney Poiter. It’s the autobiography of the first African-American to win the Academy Award. This book was not on my list but while searching for a book to adopt my 30% discount voucher, I saw this on the shelf and knew I had to get it. I knew of this book from the Oprah Show (there was an interview) and it was the Oprah Book Club pick for January of 2007. Ok… I know I am a little delayed in getting this book but hey, better late than never!
Other than the acquisition of yummilicious books, I was also a do-gooder today at Borders. I gave away 2 of the extra vouchers I had to two random strangers in the queue. It was heart-warming to see their smiles, christmas came early! For the others in the queue who stared at me with a ‘why didn’t you pick me?’ look, I felt so terrible but there is only so much that I could do really.
Wish I had printed 10 copies.
Degrees of Change
Between today and the 21st, I am awaiting the commencement of potentially the last exam in my life.
It is startling to realise that I am finally at this juncture of my life.
I remember myself still as that kid of about maybe 4 or 5, glancing enviously at my older cousin while she adorns herself with adult face paint and scented water before going out in the evenings. And all the while, I will sit in my corner, pretending to be preoccupied with my little preoccupations.
And I would wonder secretly in my mind, the possibilities of being more grown that I was then.
When I sat for my Cambridge 'O' Levels, I thought that it was still a long and lonely road till I may finally get my degree. That coverted and floating image of a degree that my daddy put in my head since I was a little girl brought up to be a little boy. I imagined that the world would be different. The sky a brighter blue, the smells of the market fresher than most mornings and the sounds of the streets gaier than all the days that I have ever heard for all of my life.
And now that I stand at this juncture... I do feel different.
I now have an opinion, a control over the perceived colour of my hair, the way my hair falls over my shoulders and the drape of the clothes I wear.
But I still curl my feet when I sleep, struggle to remember to comb my hair when I wake and turn the corners of my mouth down when daddy pouts.
Deep inside, I am still that 3 year old.
Blah, I am not even 1 degree away from where I started but amazingly I am right where I wanted to end up in.
It is startling to realise that I am finally at this juncture of my life.
I remember myself still as that kid of about maybe 4 or 5, glancing enviously at my older cousin while she adorns herself with adult face paint and scented water before going out in the evenings. And all the while, I will sit in my corner, pretending to be preoccupied with my little preoccupations.
And I would wonder secretly in my mind, the possibilities of being more grown that I was then.
When I sat for my Cambridge 'O' Levels, I thought that it was still a long and lonely road till I may finally get my degree. That coverted and floating image of a degree that my daddy put in my head since I was a little girl brought up to be a little boy. I imagined that the world would be different. The sky a brighter blue, the smells of the market fresher than most mornings and the sounds of the streets gaier than all the days that I have ever heard for all of my life.
And now that I stand at this juncture... I do feel different.
I now have an opinion, a control over the perceived colour of my hair, the way my hair falls over my shoulders and the drape of the clothes I wear.
But I still curl my feet when I sleep, struggle to remember to comb my hair when I wake and turn the corners of my mouth down when daddy pouts.
Deep inside, I am still that 3 year old.
Blah, I am not even 1 degree away from where I started but amazingly I am right where I wanted to end up in.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
The Right Thing
I am sure I am paranoid. Maybe you can even consider me a loon.
My constant censor of the content of this blog is a huge part of its creation. And mentally, I am forever stuck, debating between the ‘save draft’ and ‘publish post’ button after I finish hacking away at my keyboard.
How much of my life should be a ‘tell’ and how much of this life should be a ‘hush, no one should know’ issue? And why do I even care about who I hurt with my words if I do really mean it?
I mean if I really think that terribly about someone, why on earth do I still go to the ends of the world to protect that person?
The paradoxical issue of trying to do the right thing.
My constant censor of the content of this blog is a huge part of its creation. And mentally, I am forever stuck, debating between the ‘save draft’ and ‘publish post’ button after I finish hacking away at my keyboard.
How much of my life should be a ‘tell’ and how much of this life should be a ‘hush, no one should know’ issue? And why do I even care about who I hurt with my words if I do really mean it?
I mean if I really think that terribly about someone, why on earth do I still go to the ends of the world to protect that person?
The paradoxical issue of trying to do the right thing.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Housekeeping
Back when it was 1955, this was all true.
It makes me glad that I live in the now.
It makes me glad that I live in the now.
Although the pressure to be size 000 was not present in the past.... I think I still... prefer the now.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Infomercials...
can mean so many different things to so many different people.
When you are a kid, it is a reminder of how good life can be. And because you are impressionable, you believe the processes in front of you. That the green magic duster is indeed good enough to clean fragile glassware. The blender is a magical twister that crushes, juices and at the same time separate the pulp from the liquid. A gel from some tree bark that someone applies on their thigh can really make the fats disappear within 45 minutes!
When you have watched enough infomercials they lose their glitter. You begin to laugh at the before and after pictures and say, 'Are they the same person?' You point at the poor model on the floor and laugh at her permanent grin. When the sell part of the infomercial comes up, you go... 'Wait 5 minutes, surely they will throw in new freebies...' and viola, they do!
The conditioning power of the idiot box is so strong that you know, in 30 minutes time, they will repeat the whole segment.
The things you learn... from your favourite nanny that never fails.
When you are a kid, it is a reminder of how good life can be. And because you are impressionable, you believe the processes in front of you. That the green magic duster is indeed good enough to clean fragile glassware. The blender is a magical twister that crushes, juices and at the same time separate the pulp from the liquid. A gel from some tree bark that someone applies on their thigh can really make the fats disappear within 45 minutes!
When you have watched enough infomercials they lose their glitter. You begin to laugh at the before and after pictures and say, 'Are they the same person?' You point at the poor model on the floor and laugh at her permanent grin. When the sell part of the infomercial comes up, you go... 'Wait 5 minutes, surely they will throw in new freebies...' and viola, they do!
The conditioning power of the idiot box is so strong that you know, in 30 minutes time, they will repeat the whole segment.
The things you learn... from your favourite nanny that never fails.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Of Servants and Gifts
The intuitive mind is a sacred gift
And the rational mind is a faithful servant.
We have created a society that honours the servant
And has forgotten the gift— Albert Einstein
Are you more intuitive or are you more rational?
Food for thought from our great Einstein... What has our education done to us?
Premature Graduation
I graduated yesterday with First Class Honours. This is from Lord Tristan School of Relationships. Lord Tristan has been kind enough to accept me as his student for about 10 minutes.
I had to answer questions like, how long have I been together with my current partner. Declare my name with the appropriate capital letters. And be really really honest about everything else.
I was kind of disappointed because I was actually trying to get a pHD. It turns out that you can only enroll for that course only after you have had 2 ex-es. Darn it really. This is the part I will say sorry to Mr S.O. because I need to get my pHD and he is kind of... well... in the way?
Mind you, this is not easy. Do not underestimate this mean feat. Don't think that any Tom, Dick or Harry can get this. According to Lord Tristan, you have to be his friend even before you can set eyes on the application form.
I had to answer questions like, how long have I been together with my current partner. Declare my name with the appropriate capital letters. And be really really honest about everything else.
I was kind of disappointed because I was actually trying to get a pHD. It turns out that you can only enroll for that course only after you have had 2 ex-es. Darn it really. This is the part I will say sorry to Mr S.O. because I need to get my pHD and he is kind of... well... in the way?
Mind you, this is not easy. Do not underestimate this mean feat. Don't think that any Tom, Dick or Harry can get this. According to Lord Tristan, you have to be his friend even before you can set eyes on the application form.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
The Grand Plan
Its almost 3 am and here I am surfing the internet. Reading archives or newspaper or emails even. Doing mundane virtual errands that ABSOLUTELY have to be done. Because if they dun, someone will DIE. You know, DIE!
Oh dear.. do I need hormone therapy?
I have yet to shower. I swear my hair feels like it has been dipped in oil that once upon a time belonged in Macdonalds. Every crease of my body has a layer of either grim or crystalised salt. (Pick whichever you prefer, see I give you options) Under my skin exist a layer of pus waiting to congregate into small little infested pimples oozing with unshowered-ness.
What is WRONG with me???
I swear you can smell all of yesterdays' dead insects on me right now. If you sniff hard enough. Well... if you even dare to sniff.
Thats it. I need a plan. I need a plan to tell me what to do with my life. This cannot continue on for much longer. Here is the grand plan.
I am going to watch another episode of 'House' (newly aquired disgusting habit) and retire to bed with my trusted Elmo, who loves me unconditonally.
Oh dear.. do I need hormone therapy?
I have yet to shower. I swear my hair feels like it has been dipped in oil that once upon a time belonged in Macdonalds. Every crease of my body has a layer of either grim or crystalised salt. (Pick whichever you prefer, see I give you options) Under my skin exist a layer of pus waiting to congregate into small little infested pimples oozing with unshowered-ness.
What is WRONG with me???
I swear you can smell all of yesterdays' dead insects on me right now. If you sniff hard enough. Well... if you even dare to sniff.
Thats it. I need a plan. I need a plan to tell me what to do with my life. This cannot continue on for much longer. Here is the grand plan.
I am going to watch another episode of 'House' (newly aquired disgusting habit) and retire to bed with my trusted Elmo, who loves me unconditonally.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Of Solitary Lamps and Music
My study table is a mess...
Unfortunately, it is not because I am in the midst of this painful string of events called 'examinations', but really because I am always in this orchestrated and organised mess...
I like to put, on the wall in front of my table, the things that I really like and enjoy. Say for example, J bought mini-muffins for us the other time and I have the shop label from the muffin box up on the wall. I also have a small self-printed 'poster' of Elmo in a Labcoat.
I have photos, of my parents, my sister, Mr S.O and myself. I have post-it notes from my housemates wishing me good luck for my examinations.
Then I have the geekier stuff... say notes that remind me what an 'auxotroph' is. The 20 amino acids and their DNA codes. I have the periodic element from webelements.com too...
Then I have a label saying; 'The solitary lamp of my soul, they dye your feet in music'.
I think it has been there since March... Those were the words that I wanted engraved on the ipod that was meant for Mr S.O. for his birthday this year. Too bad I did not give him an ipod, so no engraving for him.
Maybe it can go onto the new mac, when his current mac runs out of breathe?
.
.
.
Yes Mr S.O., you can thank me now... =) But it does not mean that you can practice euthanasia on the current one.
Unfortunately, it is not because I am in the midst of this painful string of events called 'examinations', but really because I am always in this orchestrated and organised mess...
I like to put, on the wall in front of my table, the things that I really like and enjoy. Say for example, J bought mini-muffins for us the other time and I have the shop label from the muffin box up on the wall. I also have a small self-printed 'poster' of Elmo in a Labcoat.
I have photos, of my parents, my sister, Mr S.O and myself. I have post-it notes from my housemates wishing me good luck for my examinations.
Then I have the geekier stuff... say notes that remind me what an 'auxotroph' is. The 20 amino acids and their DNA codes. I have the periodic element from webelements.com too...
Then I have a label saying; 'The solitary lamp of my soul, they dye your feet in music'.
I think it has been there since March... Those were the words that I wanted engraved on the ipod that was meant for Mr S.O. for his birthday this year. Too bad I did not give him an ipod, so no engraving for him.
Maybe it can go onto the new mac, when his current mac runs out of breathe?
.
.
.
Yes Mr S.O., you can thank me now... =) But it does not mean that you can practice euthanasia on the current one.
A Chance
Examinations make you go slightly goo-goo-eyed. Makes your brain goes to mush and your arms ache from frantic scribbles made in a 3 hr time frame. Sometimes it gives you insights on things that are… well…. just random. Lack of stimulation makes you invent situations? Go figure.
When someone offers you a chance, do you take it?
On one side it would be awfully terrible of you to because it would mean that you are abusing your position as the one who was offered. It means that you are objectifying the whole situation and are just taking it because you can. So you can refuse and keep your pride intact. Justify your self-righteousness because you need to be independent and not bias.
On the other side, taking it means you are taking the easy way out. Because it is easier to agree and to accept rather than disagree and refuse. Because that is the faster lane to world peace. Because explaining the ‘otherwise’ that exists in your mind will take up time and energy which can be un-doubtly better spent.
Ever wonder that maybe, perhaps the person is not offering you a chance...
That there exists a possibility, in which the person is actually asking you for a chance….
That in taking the offer, you will not be indebted to him/her, and in fact he/she will be indebted to you because you gave them something that they wanted?
Giving is often charitable, making the receiver piteous. Giving can also be gratuitous, elevating the receiver to the position of worthy. Giving can be generosity and receiving humbled humility.
Who can tell giving from taking from receiving? Is there a difference?
Similarly, being the one offering doesn't make you look good or bad. It just means that you have enough courage to be the one to first risk your blood. To say, 'Hey come on, here is my heart, please don't reject it.'
When someone offers you a chance, do you take it?
On one side it would be awfully terrible of you to because it would mean that you are abusing your position as the one who was offered. It means that you are objectifying the whole situation and are just taking it because you can. So you can refuse and keep your pride intact. Justify your self-righteousness because you need to be independent and not bias.
On the other side, taking it means you are taking the easy way out. Because it is easier to agree and to accept rather than disagree and refuse. Because that is the faster lane to world peace. Because explaining the ‘otherwise’ that exists in your mind will take up time and energy which can be un-doubtly better spent.
Ever wonder that maybe, perhaps the person is not offering you a chance...
That there exists a possibility, in which the person is actually asking you for a chance….
That in taking the offer, you will not be indebted to him/her, and in fact he/she will be indebted to you because you gave them something that they wanted?
Giving is often charitable, making the receiver piteous. Giving can also be gratuitous, elevating the receiver to the position of worthy. Giving can be generosity and receiving humbled humility.
Who can tell giving from taking from receiving? Is there a difference?
Similarly, being the one offering doesn't make you look good or bad. It just means that you have enough courage to be the one to first risk your blood. To say, 'Hey come on, here is my heart, please don't reject it.'
Friday, November 7, 2008
Bothered and Unbothered
Some people cannot be bothered about things beyond their tiny bubble.
I believe I belong to that group of people. This is evident in the recent US elections.
I cannot tell you that I was glued to the idiot box while the elections are happening and when the major newscasters are each giving their own unique projections and commentaries, although I did know that the elections was on that day. I cannot tell you that I was sitting, halted in time and mesmerized by the change in the air. I cannot tell you that I was there, in spirit or in mind. Because I was not all of those.
Yet, a part of me is bursting at the seams with hope in the aftermath of the US elections. I like being part of something characterized by passion and drive, even though it is someone else’s’ passion and drive. And even if I am just a spectator with no say, only opinions.
My current thoughts are indescribable. This to me is so much more than the election of a new US president. How can I begin to put into plain words that when I think about President Obama, I think about the true ending of the American Civil War at the honest level of its residents? How can I even begin to say that I now believe in the existence of a truth that is independent, rational and also intuitive, un-berated by society’s perception of what is right and what is wrong?
I cannot convince myself that he will be a good president, yet. I cannot even convince myself that he will be better than the last. But that is just me and my own ghosts and insecurities, because my dreams have been a little crumpled by the events of the last 8 years.
When Bush came into term in 2001, I remember being the Secondary 2 kid that I was. When 911 happened, I remember wanting to remember forever that moment in history because I am suddenly witnessing the things that actually do go into History books, instead of just plain reading about them. I wanted to be able to tell my children that I was there when it happened, and that I believed Bush when he said those words, when he addressed his nations and the world. I believed him when he said that America will be able to show the world that freedom can be defended and upheld in the face of threats. And that they can pass this test.
At that moment, I remember clearly that Bush may just be one of the few great presidents in America’s history since he already has one of the prerequisites on his side, a great big tragedy. And a tragedy that is enough to bring the majority of the people over to his side.
But I was sorely disappointed, and perhaps I still feel the grainy and unpleasant discomfort under my skin from having my hopes dashed and that’s why I cannot bring myself to entrust the world as I know it now into Obama’s hands completely. The person with the power to heal; unfortunately has also the power to destroy. What will happen with Obama? Is America’s current votes indicative of the events that are about to unfold over the next 4 years?
Some people feel that America’s trust and hopes in Obama is in part due to their disappointment in the Bush administration. That they had enough of his 4 years of promises and another 4 years of proving that the promises are empty.
I beg to differ.
Perhaps, because I am a mimosa. I shrink when hurt. My memory of past pain is so strong that I lack the courage to stand up clearly for what I feel is right for the moment, uninfluenced by what is past. I lack faith in the linearity of time, believing that what is past still has the power to become the present. I lack the convicted careless outer shell that will put my spirit on the table every single time someone welds a knife.
My childish and idealistic mind puts a small slice of this world into Obama’s hands. The rest of me are still waiting for some glimmer of that decorated and restored piece before I give out all of my tiny aliquot of this world.
I don’t want to be cynical of him and his abilities. But I really need some proof that he is indeed an improvement. At the back of my mind, I know that he is different. But this time, it is not him that I don’t trust. It is my own judgment that I am putting to test.
There is a certainty of a momentum that may perhaps bring to a standstill, things in this world that should not be and should never be. There is a defiant tune in the wind, singing the changes that will be, can be and should be. While there are no clear boundaries that can define at this point in time what is good and what is bad, there is a consensus that some things (for example) on the humanitarian and economic front must change.
This huge change may be driven in part by our personal desire for stability and security but it is still a small step in a much larger picture. It is the beginning of cleaning up the mess that we made, not for ourselves, but also for our unborn children. Its the beginning of ensuring that our children will not live in a world as we know it, but in a world that we envision it to be. And may that be the best gift of all.
I believe I belong to that group of people. This is evident in the recent US elections.
I cannot tell you that I was glued to the idiot box while the elections are happening and when the major newscasters are each giving their own unique projections and commentaries, although I did know that the elections was on that day. I cannot tell you that I was sitting, halted in time and mesmerized by the change in the air. I cannot tell you that I was there, in spirit or in mind. Because I was not all of those.
Yet, a part of me is bursting at the seams with hope in the aftermath of the US elections. I like being part of something characterized by passion and drive, even though it is someone else’s’ passion and drive. And even if I am just a spectator with no say, only opinions.
My current thoughts are indescribable. This to me is so much more than the election of a new US president. How can I begin to put into plain words that when I think about President Obama, I think about the true ending of the American Civil War at the honest level of its residents? How can I even begin to say that I now believe in the existence of a truth that is independent, rational and also intuitive, un-berated by society’s perception of what is right and what is wrong?
I cannot convince myself that he will be a good president, yet. I cannot even convince myself that he will be better than the last. But that is just me and my own ghosts and insecurities, because my dreams have been a little crumpled by the events of the last 8 years.
When Bush came into term in 2001, I remember being the Secondary 2 kid that I was. When 911 happened, I remember wanting to remember forever that moment in history because I am suddenly witnessing the things that actually do go into History books, instead of just plain reading about them. I wanted to be able to tell my children that I was there when it happened, and that I believed Bush when he said those words, when he addressed his nations and the world. I believed him when he said that America will be able to show the world that freedom can be defended and upheld in the face of threats. And that they can pass this test.
At that moment, I remember clearly that Bush may just be one of the few great presidents in America’s history since he already has one of the prerequisites on his side, a great big tragedy. And a tragedy that is enough to bring the majority of the people over to his side.
But I was sorely disappointed, and perhaps I still feel the grainy and unpleasant discomfort under my skin from having my hopes dashed and that’s why I cannot bring myself to entrust the world as I know it now into Obama’s hands completely. The person with the power to heal; unfortunately has also the power to destroy. What will happen with Obama? Is America’s current votes indicative of the events that are about to unfold over the next 4 years?
Some people feel that America’s trust and hopes in Obama is in part due to their disappointment in the Bush administration. That they had enough of his 4 years of promises and another 4 years of proving that the promises are empty.
I beg to differ.
Perhaps, because I am a mimosa. I shrink when hurt. My memory of past pain is so strong that I lack the courage to stand up clearly for what I feel is right for the moment, uninfluenced by what is past. I lack faith in the linearity of time, believing that what is past still has the power to become the present. I lack the convicted careless outer shell that will put my spirit on the table every single time someone welds a knife.
My childish and idealistic mind puts a small slice of this world into Obama’s hands. The rest of me are still waiting for some glimmer of that decorated and restored piece before I give out all of my tiny aliquot of this world.
I don’t want to be cynical of him and his abilities. But I really need some proof that he is indeed an improvement. At the back of my mind, I know that he is different. But this time, it is not him that I don’t trust. It is my own judgment that I am putting to test.
There is a certainty of a momentum that may perhaps bring to a standstill, things in this world that should not be and should never be. There is a defiant tune in the wind, singing the changes that will be, can be and should be. While there are no clear boundaries that can define at this point in time what is good and what is bad, there is a consensus that some things (for example) on the humanitarian and economic front must change.
This huge change may be driven in part by our personal desire for stability and security but it is still a small step in a much larger picture. It is the beginning of cleaning up the mess that we made, not for ourselves, but also for our unborn children. Its the beginning of ensuring that our children will not live in a world as we know it, but in a world that we envision it to be. And may that be the best gift of all.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Merton: Selfless Love
Reading Thomas Merton’s book, No Man Is an Island brings a certain peace. And a certain epiphany.
We struggle everyday to define our lives in the ways that we can, and here it is, the simple truth written in black and white in the pages of his book.
For most of us, we feel that selfless love is the highest order of love. That if you loved someone selflessly enough, you will attain happiness because you loved. And because the lover is loved completely and wholeheartedly. Apparently flawed.
Merton has managed to put it so eloquently in his book, that the process of selfless loving is depended on the one being loved. And that loving selflessly is only the first step.
I can try to tell you more, but I cannot do it better than Merton.
We struggle everyday to define our lives in the ways that we can, and here it is, the simple truth written in black and white in the pages of his book.
For most of us, we feel that selfless love is the highest order of love. That if you loved someone selflessly enough, you will attain happiness because you loved. And because the lover is loved completely and wholeheartedly. Apparently flawed.
Merton has managed to put it so eloquently in his book, that the process of selfless loving is depended on the one being loved. And that loving selflessly is only the first step.
I can try to tell you more, but I cannot do it better than Merton.
Love can be kept only by being given away
A happiness that is
sought for ourselves alone can never be found for a happiness that is diminished
by being shared is not big enough to make us happy.
There is a
false and momentary happiness in self-satisfaction, but it always leads to
sorrow because it narrows and deadens our spirit. True happiness is found in
unselfish love, a love which increases in proportion as it is shared. There is
no end to the sharing of love, and, therefore, the potential happiness of such
love is without limit. Infinite sharing is the law of God’s inner life. He has
made the sharing of ourselves the law of our own being, so that it is in loving
others that we best love ourselves. In disinterested activity, we best fulfill
our own capacities to act and to be.
Yet there can never be
happiness in compulsion. It is not enough for love to be shared: it must be
shared freely. That is to say it must be given, not merely taken. Unselfish love
that is poured out upon a selfish object does not bring perfect happiness: not
because love requires a return or a reward for loving, but because it rests in
the happiness of the beloved. And if the one loved receives love selfishly, the
lover is not satisfied. He sees that his love has failed to make the beloved
happy. It has not awakened his capacity for unselfish love.
Hence
the paradox that unselfish love cannot rest perfectly except in a love that is
perfectly reciprocated: because it knows that the only true peace is found in
selfless love. Selfless love consents to be loved selflessly for the sake of the
beloved. In so doing, it perfects itself.
The gift of love is the
gift of the power and the capacity to love, and, therefore, to give love with
full effect is also to receive it. So, love can only be kept by being given
away, and it can only be given perfectly when it is also received.
iLectures; The Blues
I am back with a smaller dark cloud above my head. The remnant of the headache and flu still lingers but it does not bother me that much anymore. Anyway, the books are calling my name, I couldn’t resist!One great thing about lectures here at the University of Melbourne is that lectures are recorded on something called the ilecture system. So if you realize later that you actually did zone out and see black dots during a lecture, you can go back to the internet and download the audio notes and do a play back.
Amazing really. Makes going to lectures redundant actually. I still go to all my lectures of course. After all I paid good money to go to lectures in old heritage buildings! Still it is darn amusing when your iTunes recognize these downloaded lectures as belonging to the genre of blues.
Even Apple understands the pain of undergraduate students.
Heh, and obviously, in times of stress, we look for minute things to laugh and giggle about. Anything… to take our minds off the impending scripts to fill.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Facts of the Month Time
1. A new born crocodile is three times the size of the egg it hatched from.
2. It takes a week to make jelly beans.
3. Tequila is made from the juice of the agave.
4. There are more than twice as many kangaroos as people in Australia.
5. A tightrope walker is called a funambulist.
6. Flounder swim sideways.
7. 214 crates were used to transport the Statue of Liberty from France to New York in 1885.
8. The only thing that can destroy a diamond is intense heat.
9. A 500gm loaf of bread required 2 tonnes of water to grow the wheat to produce it.
10. Only 2 animals can see completely behind themselves without turning their head; the rabbit and the parrot.
11. It takes a tonne of ore to produce one gold wedding ring.
12. The human eye can, given enough time to adjust, see almost as well as an owl’s.
13. The rush of air produced by a cough can approach 1000km/hour.
14. Starfish dun have brains.
15. The short-term memory capacity for most people is between five and nine items or digits. This is one reason that telephone numbers were kept to seven digits for so long.
16. Cats have better memories than dogs.
17. The average human will drink about 72,737 litres of water in a lifetime.
18. The pupil of an eye expands as much as 45% when a person looks at something pleasing.
19. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its’ brain.
20. By law, every child in Belgium must take harmonica lessons at primary school.
This is my favorite fact of the month;
Oh my goodness! Can you believe that? That really means that there are no such things as vegetarians, since everybody actually snack on itsy bitsy stuff in their sleep! That’s a fact I want at the top of my head the next time I encounter someone who tells me that vegetarianism is a virtue and carnivorism a vice!
Hey! That’s another reason not to brush your teeth before bed too! There is still an additional course coming up, mum!
p/s: OBAMA WON!
2. It takes a week to make jelly beans.
3. Tequila is made from the juice of the agave.
4. There are more than twice as many kangaroos as people in Australia.
5. A tightrope walker is called a funambulist.
6. Flounder swim sideways.
7. 214 crates were used to transport the Statue of Liberty from France to New York in 1885.
8. The only thing that can destroy a diamond is intense heat.
9. A 500gm loaf of bread required 2 tonnes of water to grow the wheat to produce it.
10. Only 2 animals can see completely behind themselves without turning their head; the rabbit and the parrot.
11. It takes a tonne of ore to produce one gold wedding ring.
12. The human eye can, given enough time to adjust, see almost as well as an owl’s.
13. The rush of air produced by a cough can approach 1000km/hour.
14. Starfish dun have brains.
15. The short-term memory capacity for most people is between five and nine items or digits. This is one reason that telephone numbers were kept to seven digits for so long.
16. Cats have better memories than dogs.
17. The average human will drink about 72,737 litres of water in a lifetime.
18. The pupil of an eye expands as much as 45% when a person looks at something pleasing.
19. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its’ brain.
20. By law, every child in Belgium must take harmonica lessons at primary school.
This is my favorite fact of the month;
21. In an average lifetime, you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted
insects and 10 spiders.
Oh my goodness! Can you believe that? That really means that there are no such things as vegetarians, since everybody actually snack on itsy bitsy stuff in their sleep! That’s a fact I want at the top of my head the next time I encounter someone who tells me that vegetarianism is a virtue and carnivorism a vice!
Hey! That’s another reason not to brush your teeth before bed too! There is still an additional course coming up, mum!
p/s: OBAMA WON!
Monday, November 3, 2008
BRB: Out at War
Being a student who studies things like bacteria and viruses, I should be a little smarter. Just a tad bit wiser on bacterial and disease transmission would be good.
Too bad that I got the disease that Housemate C had 3 days ago. Either that, or I got the disease through the phone... Hey! YH, whats the type of phone that you are using?? Must be some lowest quote product again...
Ok I know it is Housemate C. YH is not THAT good to get THAT type of phone YET.
In the meantime, my head is clouded. Reminds me of this commercial where there was this lady walking around the streets with a dark rainy cloud above her head. My lids feel heavy, my limbs feel cold and head feels burning hot.
I am sounding the retreat from the books and going back to bed. Armed with 500mg of Acetaminophen and 4mg of Chlorpheniramin every 6 hours. And a pack of KM's cold remedy whenever I feel that I need more air, opps... I think KM's cold remedy is going to be on IV. Heh.
If the course that C took is any indication, I should be better in 2 days. See you soon.
Too bad that I got the disease that Housemate C had 3 days ago. Either that, or I got the disease through the phone... Hey! YH, whats the type of phone that you are using?? Must be some lowest quote product again...
Ok I know it is Housemate C. YH is not THAT good to get THAT type of phone YET.
In the meantime, my head is clouded. Reminds me of this commercial where there was this lady walking around the streets with a dark rainy cloud above her head. My lids feel heavy, my limbs feel cold and head feels burning hot.
I am sounding the retreat from the books and going back to bed. Armed with 500mg of Acetaminophen and 4mg of Chlorpheniramin every 6 hours. And a pack of KM's cold remedy whenever I feel that I need more air, opps... I think KM's cold remedy is going to be on IV. Heh.
If the course that C took is any indication, I should be better in 2 days. See you soon.
Notebook: Sense of Sorrowful Joy
I was bored of studying today so I went surfing.
I went online to read the works of the the current favourite poet, yes it is Kahlil Gibran again!
I read one of his (I think posthumous) publications. The Madman. It is a collection of parables and poems. It speaks of large and big things that matter like friendship, ambition, wisdom and God. And then it whispers of the smaller things that people think never matter. Like the ants on a persons nose or of the things that the blade of grass on the lawn might say to a falling autumn leaf.
The part on sorrow and joy... is so true. It is like the unveiling of something that you know exist but have never been able to put into words.
It is true that when you are sorrowful, more attention is given. And that you are almost porcelain fragile for as long as sorrow was with you. As if you have gained a reason to be the unreasonable one. And that when you are filled with joy, people are almost resentful of your existence... because you remind them even more of their sorrow. And no one is eager to celebrate your hearts' music.
It is not only the onlookers flaw though. we are all too eager to nurture and grow our sorrow... and when we have joy, we let it fade and die into nothingness... and into a memory.
Some things should really ought to change...
____________________________________________
I went online to read the works of the the current favourite poet, yes it is Kahlil Gibran again!
I read one of his (I think posthumous) publications. The Madman. It is a collection of parables and poems. It speaks of large and big things that matter like friendship, ambition, wisdom and God. And then it whispers of the smaller things that people think never matter. Like the ants on a persons nose or of the things that the blade of grass on the lawn might say to a falling autumn leaf.
The part on sorrow and joy... is so true. It is like the unveiling of something that you know exist but have never been able to put into words.
It is true that when you are sorrowful, more attention is given. And that you are almost porcelain fragile for as long as sorrow was with you. As if you have gained a reason to be the unreasonable one. And that when you are filled with joy, people are almost resentful of your existence... because you remind them even more of their sorrow. And no one is eager to celebrate your hearts' music.
It is not only the onlookers flaw though. we are all too eager to nurture and grow our sorrow... and when we have joy, we let it fade and die into nothingness... and into a memory.
Some things should really ought to change...
When My Sorrow Was Born
When my Sorrow was born I nursed it with
care, and watched over it with loving tenderness.
And my Sorrow grew
like all living things, strong and beautiful and full of wondrous delights.
And we loved one another, my Sorrow and I, and we loved the world about
us; for Sorrow had a kindly heart and mine was kindly with Sorrow.
And
when we conversed, my Sorrow and I, our days were winged and our nights were
girdled with dreams; for Sorrow had an eloquent tongue, and mine was eloquent
with Sorrow.
And when we sang together, my Sorrow and I, our neighbors
sat at their windows and listened; for our songs were deep as the sea and our
melodies were full of strange memories.
And when we walked together, my
Sorrow and I, people gazed at us with gentle eyes and whispered in words of
exceeding sweetness.
And there were those who looked with envy upon us,
for Sorrow was a noble thing and I was proud with Sorrow.
But my Sorrow
died, like all living things, and alone I am left to muse and ponder.
And now when I speak my words fall heavily upon my ears.
And
when I sing my songs my neighbours come not to listen.
And when I walk
the streets no one looks at me.
Only in my sleep I hear voices saying in
pity, "See, there liesthe man whose Sorrow is dead."
And When My Joy Was Born
And when my Joy was born, I held it in my arms
and stood on the house-top shouting, "Come ye, my neighbours, come and see, for
Joy this day is born unto me. Come and behold this gladsome thing that laugheth in the sun."
But none of my neighbours came to look upon my Joy, and great was my
astonishment.
And every day for seven moons I proclaimed my Joy from the
house-top--and yet no one heeded me. And my Joy and I were alone, unsought and
unvisited.
Then my Joy grew pale and weary because no other heart but
mine held its loveliness and no other lips kissed its lips.
Then my Joy
died of isolation.
And now I only remember my dead Joy in remembering my
dead Sorrow. But memory is an autumn leaf that murmurs a while in the wind and
then is heard no more.
-Kahlil Gibran, Excerpts from The Madman: His Parables and Poems-
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Another One Down
I hereby announce that I no longer have to wash disposable curvettes again in my life. Ok. Maybe that’s a tall order. I just pray that I don’t have to wash disposable curvettes during the duration of an experiment ever again. That would please me enough.
It is now official. The logbook for another module is now completed. 1 day ahead of its due date. A major accomplishment considering the brain rape that I have been constantly subjecting myself to for the past few weeks.
It took me 9 hours just to complete detailing the last experiment that lasted for 8 pages.
The entire book is now 63 pages in length.
You may do the math to determine the number of man-hours that went into creating this loving creature of a book.
How time flies indeed. I will never be attending another planned and rehearsed practical for the rest of my life. I will never again be holding a pre-printed logbook that tells you what to do and when to do it for a successful experiment.
Gosh… I already feel so alone.
And I am almost done with all this BSc stuff already. Somehow this small voice in me still proclaims that I am still not ready yet.
It is now official. The logbook for another module is now completed. 1 day ahead of its due date. A major accomplishment considering the brain rape that I have been constantly subjecting myself to for the past few weeks.
It took me 9 hours just to complete detailing the last experiment that lasted for 8 pages.
The entire book is now 63 pages in length.
You may do the math to determine the number of man-hours that went into creating this loving creature of a book.
How time flies indeed. I will never be attending another planned and rehearsed practical for the rest of my life. I will never again be holding a pre-printed logbook that tells you what to do and when to do it for a successful experiment.
Gosh… I already feel so alone.
And I am almost done with all this BSc stuff already. Somehow this small voice in me still proclaims that I am still not ready yet.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Farewell My Friends
All is well. All refers to the presentation, the report and all the other little nuances that lie in between. It is a little sad though, being at the end of something that was enjoyable.
The eating and drinking that happened in the celebration of 306sdeath life was held in the Mendel Lab. Father Mendel would be so pleased to know that in addition to eating generously salted chips and drinking in the lab that was named after him, we also gushed beer. Yipee!
Beer tastes so much better when they are chilled in clearly labeled ice-buckets. They kind of remove the ambiguity, so you know what to do with those sticks of liquid gold.
In case you are still lost, you kind of put them in your expandable 37 degrees incubator and your body will process the samples for you effortlessly.
Beer in and beer out.
The eating and drinking that happened in the celebration of 306s
Beer tastes so much better when they are chilled in clearly labeled ice-buckets. They kind of remove the ambiguity, so you know what to do with those sticks of liquid gold.
In case you are still lost, you kind of put them in your expandable 37 degrees incubator and your body will process the samples for you effortlessly.
Beer in and beer out.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Triple S
At the risk of sounding like a 3rd grade nanny or a whiney little girl, I must say that there is more that can be done.
I was walking home today, reflecting on how easy my first year here has been and I realized that I have friends to thank for that. It was not easy because I was good. It was easy because the hiccups were expected and the horrors of this other culture were waved unceremoniously before my eyes while I was juggling the logistics of moving here.
I wonder if I had not meet those amazing people while working prior to coming here, would I find this life as easy as it has been? Would I have struggled? Would I have fallen? Would there be another way to meet them if I had not met them through the workplace?
Key questions with no clear answers.
Is there a way to bring seniors who are here closer to the juniors who are looking to be here? Is there a place to convey to future generations of students that life here is not as bad as what they think it might be, and that it is also not better, just different?
These are the more important questions, worthy of monetary reward through the fabulous system called triple S.
I was walking home today, reflecting on how easy my first year here has been and I realized that I have friends to thank for that. It was not easy because I was good. It was easy because the hiccups were expected and the horrors of this other culture were waved unceremoniously before my eyes while I was juggling the logistics of moving here.
I wonder if I had not meet those amazing people while working prior to coming here, would I find this life as easy as it has been? Would I have struggled? Would I have fallen? Would there be another way to meet them if I had not met them through the workplace?
Key questions with no clear answers.
Is there a way to bring seniors who are here closer to the juniors who are looking to be here? Is there a place to convey to future generations of students that life here is not as bad as what they think it might be, and that it is also not better, just different?
These are the more important questions, worthy of monetary reward through the fabulous system called triple S.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Funeral for 306
Tomorrow marks the death of 306 as we know it.
Well... 306 has been alot of fun, the seminars and paper presentations that allow us to drift off in class was the BEST. MH was the ever comical host that made me smile. It means alot to me to witness the life of a breathing mouth-pipetting professor with an intact sense of dark british humour.
Legend has it that he has once stuck his head into the fumehood to mouth pipette some volatile chemical like Methanol or Phenol. The fact that the chemical is in the fumehood and he puts his mouth to the other end of a hollow glass tube immersed in the chemical amuses me. All hail MH!
MH aside, to say our heartfelt goodbyes, we will be putting up shortskits presentation describing the miniproject that we have all been doing and then entertaining a short Q&A. After all the wayang business, I am glad to say we will be having a BBQ with a few beers on the Genetics Lawn, next to the Genetics Building.
I just wish that my group members actually have some slides by now. I have been angsting over their lack of interest which also explains the top grade headache that I am entertaining. At least I am proud to say that T has manages a cross for the linkage part. For the rest, I hope it will miraculously fall in place tomorrow. Which I am pretty sure it will. =) Cross your fingers for me!
I hope the death part does not spill over to the presentations. Otherwise, I love a good wake with BBQ and beer.
Well... 306 has been alot of fun, the seminars and paper presentations that allow us to drift off in class was the BEST. MH was the ever comical host that made me smile. It means alot to me to witness the life of a breathing mouth-pipetting professor with an intact sense of dark british humour.
Legend has it that he has once stuck his head into the fumehood to mouth pipette some volatile chemical like Methanol or Phenol. The fact that the chemical is in the fumehood and he puts his mouth to the other end of a hollow glass tube immersed in the chemical amuses me. All hail MH!
MH aside, to say our heartfelt goodbyes, we will be putting up short
I just wish that my group members actually have some slides by now. I have been angsting over their lack of interest which also explains the top grade headache that I am entertaining. At least I am proud to say that T has manages a cross for the linkage part. For the rest, I hope it will miraculously fall in place tomorrow. Which I am pretty sure it will. =) Cross your fingers for me!
I hope the death part does not spill over to the presentations. Otherwise, I love a good wake with BBQ and beer.
Movie: Walk the Line | Notebook: Chapter of Friendship
This is now officially the longest title I have to date. But it is important because both converged on the same cosmic line today.
Remember that a few posts back I posted a chapter from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. Since then I have been reading his works and visiting his bits and pieces daily, finding a certain freedom and joy in what he has immortalized.
Selfish me me thoughts aside, I thought it was interesting that his name kept popping up!
While watching Walk the Line (the movie) today, the book ‘The Prophet’ by Kahlil Gibran was the book that June Carter handed over to Johnny Cash as a gift. My heart skipped when the screen was flashed.
Oh my, is it a sign that it is a book that I am destined to own. Hah! Childish of me to assume that coincidences revolve around my private wimps and desire.
All that said; here is another one of my favorite chapter from the same book. I absolutely love the first two lines. But the same question remains, which hold more prestige, the satisfaction of a person wants or needs? Food for thought people!
Remember that a few posts back I posted a chapter from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. Since then I have been reading his works and visiting his bits and pieces daily, finding a certain freedom and joy in what he has immortalized.
Selfish me me thoughts aside, I thought it was interesting that his name kept popping up!
While watching Walk the Line (the movie) today, the book ‘The Prophet’ by Kahlil Gibran was the book that June Carter handed over to Johnny Cash as a gift. My heart skipped when the screen was flashed.
Oh my, is it a sign that it is a book that I am destined to own. Hah! Childish of me to assume that coincidences revolve around my private wimps and desire.
All that said; here is another one of my favorite chapter from the same book. I absolutely love the first two lines. But the same question remains, which hold more prestige, the satisfaction of a person wants or needs? Food for thought people!
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.
When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor do you withhold the "ay."
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.
And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.
- From the Chapter of Friendship in ‘The Prophet’ by Kahlil Gibran -
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Blackle and Google
Ever heard of Blackle? It is actually just Google crossed over to the dark side, literally! How cool is that. And Blackle was actually born out of 1 single blog post, discussing about how white background loads on the computer actually consume more energy than dark background pages. I think you can read about it more at the about tab at the blackle page.
To show my support, and to adopt a bit of greeness in me, I attempted to change my blog background to a darker shade. Too bad it didn't suit my style. Apparently according to someone, he said that it was too moody for me. Ok... I was thinking along the lines that it was too classy for me. So, sorry to all the green people, no black background cause it cramps my style.
So now we know that Google is BAD.
More dirt on Google can be found at the help pages. Apparently, it is not possible to post a single blog post as private or password restricted on Blogger and that Xanga allows it. Blogger has not managed to do anything about this despite it having been on The Wishlist for the longest time.
What made me chuckle today was not that Blogger and Google is sub-standard and 2nd class. I have found a way around this by posting my private posts as drafts. Chuckle-worthy instead was the irated reply of a guy name rat on some obscure IT help forum. His reply to why blogger has yet to put in this feature is as follows;
To show my support, and to adopt a bit of greeness in me, I attempted to change my blog background to a darker shade. Too bad it didn't suit my style. Apparently according to someone, he said that it was too moody for me. Ok... I was thinking along the lines that it was too classy for me. So, sorry to all the green people, no black background cause it cramps my style.
So now we know that Google is BAD.
More dirt on Google can be found at the help pages. Apparently, it is not possible to post a single blog post as private or password restricted on Blogger and that Xanga allows it. Blogger has not managed to do anything about this despite it having been on The Wishlist for the longest time.
What made me chuckle today was not that Blogger and Google is sub-standard and 2nd class. I have found a way around this by posting my private posts as drafts. Chuckle-worthy instead was the irated reply of a guy name rat on some obscure IT help forum. His reply to why blogger has yet to put in this feature is as follows;
Lord, God, there is no WHY with Blogger. They do what they do because they
CAN and nobody can stop them. Small changes take place all the time that
apparently satisfies the Blogger Execs. They do take suggestions at the
Wishlist, but they don't answer anyone or say "That was a good or bad idea!"
Again, why do they do that? Because they CAN!!!
Silent Symphony
There is one of those playing in the sticky heat of the summer. The leaves are all starting out on the trees along the pavement in University Square. That is save for 2 trees.
Those 2 trees were not pruned, it struggles to bud new leaves. The other 10 or so were cruelly pruned when in winter and now is reaping the glorious gifts that have been returned to them.
In a way, it is a reminder of the way God works. I need to sit back and allow God to work his ways in me. I need to be grateful that I am sometimes granted, and sometimes not, privy to things that I believe I deserve. That spiritual/emotional/personal growth can only come with the willingness to be hurt and be wrong so as to begin to accept something that is closer to the truth. As someone said to me the other day, 'The toughest steel go through the hottest fire, the strongest soul go through the deepest soul searching'.
And it is also a figment of the true fragile state of nature. That a small event, can generate different reactions in different models. And that sometimes, something ugly can produce the most impressive display of art. And that small events should be appreciated. For that I must say thanks, for being the respectful one. And for not giving me a generic identity. For listening. For just being.
Idiosyncratically, it also reminds one that life is resilent. That it takes alot more than a few severe cuttings to cripple a soul. That despite death being a single solitary terminating event, it is actually pretty hard to get there... And that means I should get off my arse and start on the list of things that I should actually be doing...
Heh... Joy
Those 2 trees were not pruned, it struggles to bud new leaves. The other 10 or so were cruelly pruned when in winter and now is reaping the glorious gifts that have been returned to them.
In a way, it is a reminder of the way God works. I need to sit back and allow God to work his ways in me. I need to be grateful that I am sometimes granted, and sometimes not, privy to things that I believe I deserve. That spiritual/emotional/personal growth can only come with the willingness to be hurt and be wrong so as to begin to accept something that is closer to the truth. As someone said to me the other day, 'The toughest steel go through the hottest fire, the strongest soul go through the deepest soul searching'.
And it is also a figment of the true fragile state of nature. That a small event, can generate different reactions in different models. And that sometimes, something ugly can produce the most impressive display of art. And that small events should be appreciated. For that I must say thanks, for being the respectful one. And for not giving me a generic identity. For listening. For just being.
Idiosyncratically, it also reminds one that life is resilent. That it takes alot more than a few severe cuttings to cripple a soul. That despite death being a single solitary terminating event, it is actually pretty hard to get there... And that means I should get off my arse and start on the list of things that I should actually be doing...
Heh... Joy
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Problem with Thinking
The problem with thinking too much is that you tend to overanalyze.
The problem with thinking too little is that you will fail to realize.
_________________________________________________
Today Mr Merriam and Mr Webster would be proud of me. The word of the day was lacuna, and it refers to a small gap, blank space or a missing part.
It is in me to explore the ways of using a new word that I have just learnt… an odd way of expanding my vocabulary…
I made a sentence that went along the lines of; a lacuna in time was created with the recent fainting episode.
So out of curiosity, I counted the number of times I have fainted in my life and I found 8 incidents. And you might be amazed that I had actually felt that the number should be closer to 2 or 3 rather than the feat worthy number of 8.
It is amusing how I felt that the events are separate and of different issues rather than looping them together as part of the same problem, despite them being the same.
The problem with thinking too little is that you will fail to realize.
_________________________________________________
Today Mr Merriam and Mr Webster would be proud of me. The word of the day was lacuna, and it refers to a small gap, blank space or a missing part.
It is in me to explore the ways of using a new word that I have just learnt… an odd way of expanding my vocabulary…
I made a sentence that went along the lines of; a lacuna in time was created with the recent fainting episode.
So out of curiosity, I counted the number of times I have fainted in my life and I found 8 incidents. And you might be amazed that I had actually felt that the number should be closer to 2 or 3 rather than the feat worthy number of 8.
It is amusing how I felt that the events are separate and of different issues rather than looping them together as part of the same problem, despite them being the same.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Best Bits of Lectures...
The best bits of lectures are the fleeting moments when you know that the person lecturing is alive. Capable of humour and error. They are also the best bits cause you learn nothing except a small tiny glimpse into the speakers' personality.
__________________________________________________
During an introductory lecture on how cancer is the inability of cells to retain controlled cell growth, on the ways that cells lose their ‘brakes’…
__________________________________________________
During an introductory lecture on how cancer is the inability of cells to retain controlled cell growth, on the ways that cells lose their ‘brakes’…
Prof walked backwards while speaking passionately about the intricate beauty of
the cell cycle.
He promptly turns to check on his progress across the
stage. Alas! A loud crash into the whiteboard setting his specs flying and
balance askew.
The professor sheepishly smiles at the concerned class
and says, ‘Guess I lost my brakes.’
At a different lecture on how DNA repair mechanisms work. While on the slide depicting the types of repairs that are initiated,
Above said Prof was standing comfortably and confidently, a perfect picture of
the guy who knows what he is talking about. He asks dramatically and
rhetorically, ‘So what needs to be repaired?’.
The projected slides flicker.
A frown, he looks down at the array of master controls sitting
right in front of him and repeats with increased conviction, ‘So what needs to
be repaired?’
He looks up only to observe another flickering event. With
a steady hand he presses a few of those mysterious buttons with their
accompanying clicks.
Satisfied that the presentation is now bug-free, he
announces, ‘The projector needs to be repaired.’
Embarrassed laughter from the students all around and things resume.
Displacement of Self
Everyday, questions float in the abyss of my mind, waiting to be answered. Some are rude and annoying in nature, constantly knocking hard and loud on my skull and demanding the eventual pairing with its’ better half, an answer. Those are the easy questions. Others are quiet, almost barely there and requires the effort of a silent heart to hear it.
This is the cumulative direction of all the silent questions.
This is about the gradual demise of a persons mind and memory. A man I should have known better, and taken more effort in knowing. A man, whom I am afraid, will one day look at me and not know or understand my presence, or how much his approval and thoughts will always mean something to me.
I guess it was just always easier to assume complete ignorance of the pressure of time and age when you are in the company of people who love you, or rather in this case, love the people you love.
In a sick way, I feel that in my heart I have been sort of expecting this unexpected turn. Being the eternal and somewhat comical optimist that I am, I can list you benefits and plus points of this situation. A large part of me knows that I should not be entertaining those disregardful thoughts. Still, somewhere inside, I know that I cannot deny myself of that silver lining that I am seeking because it will one day be the only reasoning voice when the eventual becomes the event.
I need to accept graciously what I instinctively want to fight. I need to be able to sit and wait, with patience and obedience. To anticipate without hatred or displeasure, the very things that I want to be furthest away from.
Armed with the smallest silver of faith, I have no more use for hope. I need courage and strength to walk this known path of concrete and stone.
This is the cumulative direction of all the silent questions.
This is about the gradual demise of a persons mind and memory. A man I should have known better, and taken more effort in knowing. A man, whom I am afraid, will one day look at me and not know or understand my presence, or how much his approval and thoughts will always mean something to me.
I guess it was just always easier to assume complete ignorance of the pressure of time and age when you are in the company of people who love you, or rather in this case, love the people you love.
In a sick way, I feel that in my heart I have been sort of expecting this unexpected turn. Being the eternal and somewhat comical optimist that I am, I can list you benefits and plus points of this situation. A large part of me knows that I should not be entertaining those disregardful thoughts. Still, somewhere inside, I know that I cannot deny myself of that silver lining that I am seeking because it will one day be the only reasoning voice when the eventual becomes the event.
I need to accept graciously what I instinctively want to fight. I need to be able to sit and wait, with patience and obedience. To anticipate without hatred or displeasure, the very things that I want to be furthest away from.
Armed with the smallest silver of faith, I have no more use for hope. I need courage and strength to walk this known path of concrete and stone.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Hiatus|Chasm of Absence
Mr SO is currently on hiatus, from his usual routine. He is conferencing with his highly attractive housemate whom I believe he has a thing for. Kinky bits aside, his absence makes me feel plebeianic, because I have one less outlet where I can do the things I love to do to feel alive.
But the break is good in a tiny way since I get to experience more random events… and do things that I usually never ever do.
For example, I skipped a complete night of sleep to chat online with friends while attempting to complete a report for school. Tsk I know. That is so something that KM parents would murder me for. Heh
But it was surrealistic on a certain level, watching the sky turn watercolour shades of yellow and red when your body is yearning and longing for the much needed sleep. It just doesn’t seem to match for the weirdest of non-reasons.
Another milestone during SO hiatus is my drinking of bubble tea. I am usually well disciplined. Okay…. maybe somewhat disciplined. And since being here, I have yet to splurge on self-pampering devices...
Oh the cool cool rush of liquid glucose transversing my veins. It made mealmost miss South Canteen Bubble Tea.
On a separate thought, its amazing what stress can reduce you to. Evident in a chat with someone whom I have yet to speak to for like the longest time, a self-declared slave of the current SMU system;
Me: Bullshit!
S: Nah, its bearshit. It’s now a bear market, not a bull market.
Me: Eh, this is now lameshit…
S: Shit! Now I need to get you one of those movable wheelchair toilets.
Me: Rubbish. This is so going into my blog.
Hey, if you are reading S, I think you are in need of some therapy.
But the break is good in a tiny way since I get to experience more random events… and do things that I usually never ever do.
For example, I skipped a complete night of sleep to chat online with friends while attempting to complete a report for school. Tsk I know. That is so something that KM parents would murder me for. Heh
But it was surrealistic on a certain level, watching the sky turn watercolour shades of yellow and red when your body is yearning and longing for the much needed sleep. It just doesn’t seem to match for the weirdest of non-reasons.
Another milestone during SO hiatus is my drinking of bubble tea. I am usually well disciplined. Okay…. maybe somewhat disciplined. And since being here, I have yet to splurge on self-pampering devices...
Oh the cool cool rush of liquid glucose transversing my veins. It made me
On a separate thought, its amazing what stress can reduce you to. Evident in a chat with someone whom I have yet to speak to for like the longest time, a self-declared slave of the current SMU system;
Me: Bullshit!
S: Nah, its bearshit. It’s now a bear market, not a bull market.
Me: Eh, this is now lameshit…
S: Shit! Now I need to get you one of those movable wheelchair toilets.
Me: Rubbish. This is so going into my blog.
Hey, if you are reading S, I think you are in need of some therapy.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Notebook: Chapter of Marriage
Reading these lines now as oppose to when I have first heard of them stirs up something new in me. I now see a certain truth that I have failed to notice earlier, but at the same time I am still certain that there is still immense worth in his words that I am still lacking to see. But for now, the newness of this discovery and dawning is enough to last me till the next addictive dose.
Mind me not that I share, the words of wisdom that brought me to my weepy state again this morning.
Mind me not that I share, the words of wisdom that brought me to my weepy state again this morning.
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cups but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
- From the Chapter of Marriage in ‘The Prophet’ by Kahlil Gibran -
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cups but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
- From the Chapter of Marriage in ‘The Prophet’ by Kahlil Gibran -
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Harvests of a 24 Hour Thought
Someone told me yesterday, that judging from my recent blog entries, I seem happier recently. And that he was happy for me.
It got me thinking.
Was I really happy? What made me happy? Why was I happy? Did I only seem happy? Did I deserve it? What did I do to feel this way? When did it all started?
Not that great a thing I know, since my mind is really my greatest vice.
But I really cannot resist the reeling of the wheels. The turning of events. The flip and flop of the things that is neither here nor there.
Every cell in me wants desperately to call a judgment. To be able to say I agree or I don’t. It’s the scientific part of me that needs a conclusion. A potent ending, to the never ending questions.
I am glad to pronounce that I found my answer.
In the midst of a welcomed hot shower, and in the quietest acceptance that I am only the now. It only matters that I am happy. No amount of fingering will yield this as a replicable fragment of time.
And so I found my peace. There is no why, who, how, what or when. No justification. No quick explanations. Not even the slightest stir.
Just a complete circle of resignations, of agreements. That I am happy.
And that. Is enough.
It got me thinking.
Was I really happy? What made me happy? Why was I happy? Did I only seem happy? Did I deserve it? What did I do to feel this way? When did it all started?
Not that great a thing I know, since my mind is really my greatest vice.
But I really cannot resist the reeling of the wheels. The turning of events. The flip and flop of the things that is neither here nor there.
Every cell in me wants desperately to call a judgment. To be able to say I agree or I don’t. It’s the scientific part of me that needs a conclusion. A potent ending, to the never ending questions.
I am glad to pronounce that I found my answer.
In the midst of a welcomed hot shower, and in the quietest acceptance that I am only the now. It only matters that I am happy. No amount of fingering will yield this as a replicable fragment of time.
And so I found my peace. There is no why, who, how, what or when. No justification. No quick explanations. Not even the slightest stir.
Just a complete circle of resignations, of agreements. That I am happy.
And that. Is enough.
A Birthday Ode
They say that no gift is better than the one requested and it is true indeed. Here is something to your name, like it or not, it is you. I can already hear your protest gurgling from the back of your throat. So leave it, drop it. And begin to accept it.
Don’t you dare discount my two cents of poetry for anything less. If it is beautiful, it must then be right and true. If it is inaccurate, you have insulted me by calling me a liar. So be very wary of what you say. And oh, happy birthday by the way. Heh.
________________________________________________________
The measure of a man can only be measured by the opinions of others.
Never by the sizing up that is done in the privacy of your personal mirror.
That is just not accurate; remember parallax error and other errors possible.
For the person who measures so peculiarly the many virtues of others,
And judges so accurately the subtle blemishes in the faces of others.
Your mirror reflects only your magnified flaws and diminished sparkle.
And may that be your largest flaw.
Of course it is kept in mind that hell will conclude this chapters’ production.
Masquerading a list of flaws; when I am only willing to list a solitary one.
But what use is a list when one is colossal, masking the many others?
Try again next year, when I can see clearly, a better complete list.
Maybe I can then try and sieve the honest hidden shortcomings,
From your many imagined lack of virtues, once the lone ghost disappears.
Because, your perceived best quality, remains one of your very worst.
Marriage of your best scope of objectivity to your sublime mentality,
Sculpts the tyrant that you endearingly adore, and yet should violently avoid.
That is your largest flaw,
Being so very accommodating of the thought that you are the absolute worst.
When in truth it appears, you are not that bad at all…
Don’t you dare discount my two cents of poetry for anything less. If it is beautiful, it must then be right and true. If it is inaccurate, you have insulted me by calling me a liar. So be very wary of what you say. And oh, happy birthday by the way. Heh.
________________________________________________________
The measure of a man can only be measured by the opinions of others.
Never by the sizing up that is done in the privacy of your personal mirror.
That is just not accurate; remember parallax error and other errors possible.
For the person who measures so peculiarly the many virtues of others,
And judges so accurately the subtle blemishes in the faces of others.
Your mirror reflects only your magnified flaws and diminished sparkle.
And may that be your largest flaw.
Of course it is kept in mind that hell will conclude this chapters’ production.
Masquerading a list of flaws; when I am only willing to list a solitary one.
But what use is a list when one is colossal, masking the many others?
Try again next year, when I can see clearly, a better complete list.
Maybe I can then try and sieve the honest hidden shortcomings,
From your many imagined lack of virtues, once the lone ghost disappears.
Because, your perceived best quality, remains one of your very worst.
Marriage of your best scope of objectivity to your sublime mentality,
Sculpts the tyrant that you endearingly adore, and yet should violently avoid.
That is your largest flaw,
Being so very accommodating of the thought that you are the absolute worst.
When in truth it appears, you are not that bad at all…
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
The Man I Married
Just about a year ago, on one of those bored afternoons in the life of a laboratory worker, a group of us started on perfect answers to enquiring questions posed by Significant Others...
One example:
Question: What will you do if I died?
Perfect Answer: -in a dramatic voice- If you die, I don't want to live too!
So today, I was being the ever irritating spouse that I usually am. Triggered by Mr.SO claims of needing the new macbook as his current one is already 'old'. The conversation goes as follows;
Me:Will you ever tire of me after we have been together for many more years?
Mr.SO:No, I don't think so. Even if I do, it would mean that there is someone else who needed my attention more.
-dramatic pause-
Oh my goodness, does it mean that he will never leave me but will leave me for someone else? Wait, isn't it worst!
-end dramatic pause-
Mr.SO: Our kids
And there you go, I married the man with the perfect answers.
One example:
Question: What will you do if I died?
Perfect Answer: -in a dramatic voice- If you die, I don't want to live too!
So today, I was being the ever irritating spouse that I usually am. Triggered by Mr.SO claims of needing the new macbook as his current one is already 'old'. The conversation goes as follows;
Me:Will you ever tire of me after we have been together for many more years?
Mr.SO:No, I don't think so. Even if I do, it would mean that there is someone else who needed my attention more.
-dramatic pause-
Oh my goodness, does it mean that he will never leave me but will leave me for someone else? Wait, isn't it worst!
-end dramatic pause-
Mr.SO: Our kids
And there you go, I married the man with the perfect answers.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Euphorically High (Literally)
It was with a stranger, by the traffic light between Alan Gilbert and the Medical building that I felt hopeful and happy. It is rare for anyone to feel this way when it is so close to the exams and assignment datelines.
It began with a gush of wind sweeping the cotton-like seeds into the sky and swirling it as if the world at that moment was this huge blender.
She: It's so beautiful.
Me: Isn't it so yeah?
She: -sigh-
Me: -sigh-
And there we stood, 2 mesmerised strangers bound by our own amazement. Indeed it is a beautiful world.
It began with a gush of wind sweeping the cotton-like seeds into the sky and swirling it as if the world at that moment was this huge blender.
She: It's so beautiful.
Me: Isn't it so yeah?
She: -sigh-
Me: -sigh-
And there we stood, 2 mesmerised strangers bound by our own amazement. Indeed it is a beautiful world.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Pseudo-Happiness and Happiness
I love to blog jump in my free time. Reading the blogs of people in know gives me immense satisfaction when I know that they are leading a great life and the life that they truly deserve. Reading the blogs of strangers exposes my mind to another world of thinking that I will never ever be involved in. And that is what is great and beautiful.
A few days ago, I learnt the concept of pseudo-happiness through blog jumping. The art of believing and thinking you are happy when your life is not as great as you wished it to be. And I feel that I have been practicing that since a very long time ago. A large part of that is due to the fact being that I am a runner, not a fighter. I rather ignore and have imagined absence rather than acknowledge the issues I cannot solve or understand.
And that is so darn pathetic.
And because it is pathetic, things are about to change.
I no longer require convincing. No whiney sessions of begging to cheat my mind into thinking that things will be better. Because there is nowhere that is better than now.
15 Reasons Why I am Happy. Because;
1. I am alive. Physically, mentally and emotionally.
2. I am never lonely, despite loving my moments of being alone.
3. I have Mr. SO, who both loves and hates me but irregardless, possesses an insatiable appetite to accept and recognize my efforts/thoughts whether they are futile, intelligent, stupid or dumb.
4. I have my family, who may or may not always share my views but are yet willing to blindly provide support, even when they know I have already lost.
5. I have my friends, who give a damn about what I do and how I feel. Who will listen or at least pretend, and give their true and honest opinion even when they are risking my wrath and our friendship.
6. I have acquaintances, to sit next to me in lectures and wave to along corridors.
7. I have worries and troubles, without which this life would not be worth living.
8. I know people whom I used to care a great deal about but now no longer. Evidence that I can let go and a constant reminder to be more careful of others, because they too, get hurt.
9. I no longer worry about the bills, the roof over my head or anything that can be obtained by monetary means. Not because I have them but because I now know they don’t really matter anyway.
10. I am no longer crippled by the prospect of tomorrow or the future because everything is negotiable now that I know people to negotiate with.
11. I still care. I am a willing victim of hurt and insults. I can still risk the arm or leg that I need to risk for the minute gains that can never be promised or delivered.
12. I no longer barter with God, because I recognize that I am and will always be below him and yet above my physical self.
13. I still do think the best of others and give them the benefit of the doubt even when I have been hurt. Not because I am soft but because I can still see the goodness of others.
14. There are people whom I am proud of and people who are proud of me, even when they never ever mention it.
15. I know I can go on for forever on this list.
A few days ago, I learnt the concept of pseudo-happiness through blog jumping. The art of believing and thinking you are happy when your life is not as great as you wished it to be. And I feel that I have been practicing that since a very long time ago. A large part of that is due to the fact being that I am a runner, not a fighter. I rather ignore and have imagined absence rather than acknowledge the issues I cannot solve or understand.
And that is so darn pathetic.
And because it is pathetic, things are about to change.
I no longer require convincing. No whiney sessions of begging to cheat my mind into thinking that things will be better. Because there is nowhere that is better than now.
15 Reasons Why I am Happy. Because;
1. I am alive. Physically, mentally and emotionally.
2. I am never lonely, despite loving my moments of being alone.
3. I have Mr. SO, who both loves and hates me but irregardless, possesses an insatiable appetite to accept and recognize my efforts/thoughts whether they are futile, intelligent, stupid or dumb.
4. I have my family, who may or may not always share my views but are yet willing to blindly provide support, even when they know I have already lost.
5. I have my friends, who give a damn about what I do and how I feel. Who will listen or at least pretend, and give their true and honest opinion even when they are risking my wrath and our friendship.
6. I have acquaintances, to sit next to me in lectures and wave to along corridors.
7. I have worries and troubles, without which this life would not be worth living.
8. I know people whom I used to care a great deal about but now no longer. Evidence that I can let go and a constant reminder to be more careful of others, because they too, get hurt.
9. I no longer worry about the bills, the roof over my head or anything that can be obtained by monetary means. Not because I have them but because I now know they don’t really matter anyway.
10. I am no longer crippled by the prospect of tomorrow or the future because everything is negotiable now that I know people to negotiate with.
11. I still care. I am a willing victim of hurt and insults. I can still risk the arm or leg that I need to risk for the minute gains that can never be promised or delivered.
12. I no longer barter with God, because I recognize that I am and will always be below him and yet above my physical self.
13. I still do think the best of others and give them the benefit of the doubt even when I have been hurt. Not because I am soft but because I can still see the goodness of others.
14. There are people whom I am proud of and people who are proud of me, even when they never ever mention it.
15. I know I can go on for forever on this list.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
A Not So Blue Monday
Blogging during a 2 hour break between lectures and a quick trip to the laboratory can give you amazing insights on what you can do, and where you love to be.
Monday started out being a little blue. Literally blue. It was cold and unfriendly. Still, the main surprise lies in my productivity. I was amazed at my own contributions and efforts at shifting things from the 'to-be-done' pile to the 'never-to-see-again' pile.
Never to be seen again was my writing of the Proteomics Practical logbook for about 15 pages straight. 3 weeks worth of back-log and 3 days of actual experimental data vomitted out on U-grade notebooks actually look pretty. =) And whats even better is that my discussion actually made sense! Who would have thought that I would find protein unfolding -makes a yucky face- even mildly interesting yeah?
Between the busy clockwork motion of school and the racist remarks of the junior call center supervisor, I also realised mentally something new. I actually did miss school.
Oh... I think I am finally losing it. 2 months to being home, and I finally lost it. Shame.
Monday started out being a little blue. Literally blue. It was cold and unfriendly. Still, the main surprise lies in my productivity. I was amazed at my own contributions and efforts at shifting things from the 'to-be-done' pile to the 'never-to-see-again' pile.
Never to be seen again was my writing of the Proteomics Practical logbook for about 15 pages straight. 3 weeks worth of back-log and 3 days of actual experimental data vomitted out on U-grade notebooks actually look pretty. =) And whats even better is that my discussion actually made sense! Who would have thought that I would find protein unfolding -makes a yucky face- even mildly interesting yeah?
Between the busy clockwork motion of school and the racist remarks of the junior call center supervisor, I also realised mentally something new. I actually did miss school.
Oh... I think I am finally losing it. 2 months to being home, and I finally lost it. Shame.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Moments of the Future
It makes me laugh. Every single time I type an email out to D and my Godmother SH, I always imagine their amused giggles in response to what I am writing and I have to laugh to release some of that self-contained laughter.
It might be kind of weird to hear this but I hold D and SH a little dear to my heart. Thoroughly unexplainable and completely irrational but facts are often stranger than fiction.
With the bouncing emails discussing things that we will do when I am back, I am more than a little apprehensive as to as how I will be spending my time in Singapore. I hate doing nothing; inertia has never managed to please me much. And there are limits to how much you can do with working class friends.
I guess the only person I know who will be free is my younger sister, being in secondary school and all has its perks. Then again, she will be engaging in ‘intellectual conditioning’ due to school commitments that spill over.
So maybe I can be a driver. Fetching random family members and friends all over the tiny islands to their outside commitments while I remain transportation-ally committed to their commitments to outside commitments?
No way. This is far too mind-boggling. I think I need to put myself up for baby-sitting to allow myself entertainment in the form of torturing others.
It might be kind of weird to hear this but I hold D and SH a little dear to my heart. Thoroughly unexplainable and completely irrational but facts are often stranger than fiction.
With the bouncing emails discussing things that we will do when I am back, I am more than a little apprehensive as to as how I will be spending my time in Singapore. I hate doing nothing; inertia has never managed to please me much. And there are limits to how much you can do with working class friends.
I guess the only person I know who will be free is my younger sister, being in secondary school and all has its perks. Then again, she will be engaging in ‘intellectual conditioning’ due to school commitments that spill over.
So maybe I can be a driver. Fetching random family members and friends all over the tiny islands to their outside commitments while I remain transportation-ally committed to their commitments to outside commitments?
No way. This is far too mind-boggling. I think I need to put myself up for baby-sitting to allow myself entertainment in the form of torturing others.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Singapore Day @ Melbourne 2008
It is Singapore Day today here in Melbourne. So we trickled down to the Sidney Myer Music Bowl to bask in the Singapore spirit.
_____________________________________
First of all, the spirit is never complete without the queuing, which everyone gladly participated in. To survive the snaking long wait we first found a friend, cut the queue and proceed to chat and laugh. Spotted some ‘monkeys’ wearing their secondary school uniform and did random gossip about sporadic people that walked by.
First of all, the spirit is never complete without the queuing, which everyone gladly participated in. To survive the snaking long wait we first found a friend, cut the queue and proceed to chat and laugh. Spotted some ‘monkeys’ wearing their secondary school uniform and did random gossip about sporadic people that walked by.
Apparently, going to Singapore Day was the equivalent of boarding a flight for Singapore because no bottles of water were allowed in. And even if the bottles have been emptied, it’s still not okay. Tsk tsk tsk… how typically Singapore. Law by LAW…
While there were moments that disgusted me and reminded me of why I hated the Singaporean culture, namely the ‘I-got-pram-so-I-got-right-of-way’ attitude, there were also equally good nostalgic moments that made me miss the place I called and still call home.
Peering into the exhibits instantaneously brought me back to the state city and the late night shopping and outings that are impossible here in the continent that stops moving at 5pm on most days. mobtv vouchers remind me of the addiction to the idiot box every weekday nights at 7 and 9 pm during my childhood where homework exists in the realm of fiction. Small tiny square country erasers make me think of those errant moments in primary school where you refuse to listen to the ongoing class and instead choose to play the flipping eraser game under the table with your classmates.
And as I was walking home, I thought about the food that I had the blessed fortune to sample at the event. Chilli crab, Nasi Briyani and Roti Prata. Then mentally I started to list the food items available at the school canteens during those school years. I almost forgot that a plate of Char Siew Rice cost only 80 cents. And a bowl of noodles at my Secondary School was 50 cents. Wan Ton Mee is $1.20 and a chicken nugget 30 cents at the Chinese Cooked Food store. How much things have changed, or is it just me staying the same...
Singapore is a landscape that is constantly shape-shifting. 3 months away and you can feel a difference in the way the air sits. Returning to Australia after 2 years, I still see the same bits and pieces. In a way, familiarity is comforting and yet still, change is undeniably exciting and thrilling. Makes my blood race, with joy. Makes me love the way that Singapore is despite all that it isn’t.
And I know my next sentence would make SO feel the thud of his heart. But it makes me want to make it my home for always.
Freebies Galore; A Singaporeans' Favorite.
Terms and Conditions All Still Apply
It Comes and It Goes
Melbourne is a beautiful place. Now that’s a fact no one can deny.
One of my favorite places is the University Square. I walk through this open park every morning as I make my way to school. And if I were to cut through it after school, I often see couples making out blatantly on the soft dry grass! –grins widely- I am not a fan of PDA but a visual reminder of love is always welcome in my favorite place.
I realize that with the coming of spring, the place seems to glow brighter every single day. Perhaps it is the contrast of the bluer sky or the greener grass. But I know for a fact that clusters of yellow flowers (daisies???) are appearing randomly on the green lawn. It’s almost as if they are greeting me! See it and you will know what I mean.
Surrounding these flowers; do you see flakes of white petals? They come from the short trees that line the main walkway. It is a sight to behold when the raging winds in Melbourne blows and you see literally sheets of these fragile petals swept up by the wind and scattered all over the concrete floor only to roll to the lawn and speckle the generous green with its’ translucent white.
It makes you completely certain that there must be some higher power somewhere to coordinate all these orchestrated shows of beauty.
One of my favorite places is the University Square. I walk through this open park every morning as I make my way to school. And if I were to cut through it after school, I often see couples making out blatantly on the soft dry grass! –grins widely- I am not a fan of PDA but a visual reminder of love is always welcome in my favorite place.
I realize that with the coming of spring, the place seems to glow brighter every single day. Perhaps it is the contrast of the bluer sky or the greener grass. But I know for a fact that clusters of yellow flowers (daisies???) are appearing randomly on the green lawn. It’s almost as if they are greeting me! See it and you will know what I mean.
Gorgeous spring flowers
Surrounding these flowers; do you see flakes of white petals? They come from the short trees that line the main walkway. It is a sight to behold when the raging winds in Melbourne blows and you see literally sheets of these fragile petals swept up by the wind and scattered all over the concrete floor only to roll to the lawn and speckle the generous green with its’ translucent white.
It makes you completely certain that there must be some higher power somewhere to coordinate all these orchestrated shows of beauty.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
X's Issues
My journey with God and all things Christianity is fraught with many diversions, distraction, distrust and most of all my own need to feel. And it is this innate need that speaks the loudest… especially so in moments when fellow Christians act in ways that are self-glorifying in an attempt to justify their own beliefs and religion. And here is one of them.
I don’t know many homophobes, but the few I know are wise enough to keep their personal prejudice and discriminations to themselves and other like-minded people. That makes me respect them a little bit more, when they don’t based their own personal thoughts on what Bible says. And that, in a way, also make me more accepting towards them and their beliefs. In my bid to repay their consideration, I refrain from initiating gay activitistic discussions and I shy away from conversations about movies such as Rent or Angels in America because I know they will be uncomfortable…
My stand on homosexuality is clear. Both heterosexuals and homosexuals should view their place in society as that of a privileged. And that any secular laws should not discriminate against homosexuals. An impartial homosexual political candidate will always get my vote over the heterosexual who is skewed towards particular lobby groups, be it whether if they are of charitable nature or not. And I am sure (and sincerely hope) that most will agree with me on that…
That is my opinion… shaped mainly by the interactions that I have had with many people who consider themselves homosexuals, as well as family and friends of such unique individuals. And I do realize that most people lack the fortune that I have and am thus unable to form a proper opinion and to take a stand. And it is perfectly fine if others choose to sit on the fence or brush this issue aside with a curt ‘no comment’.
I had the opportunity today to meet someone who truly feels that homosexuality is a form of mental illness and that it can be cured. According to X, homosexuality is a sin punishable by God as all homosexuals are conditioned or made as opposed to being born. X refuses to accept gay marriages because despite them also being ‘children of God’ they can only have their ‘righteous place’ when they repent and are humbled. In the current absence of genetic basis for homosexuality (which I am sure are soon to change), X sees homosexuals as a humanistic flaw as opposed to a variation of the human race.
I thought I was already living in the 21st century. This ritualistic weeding out of others who are ‘unlike you’ has already been observed countless of times in history and haven’t we learnt anything yet. Why is this society claiming to be forward moving when some of us are still so obviously stuck in the 40’s?
I am appalled. I am shocked. I am flabbergasted. It irks me to think of a homosexual as someone with a mental illness just because they say ‘I can’t help it’. Ask any straight individual with a tendency to indulge in orgies, alcohol, depressive thoughts or even television/music and they will tell you they cannot help it too. And thus by that standard, isn’t everyone on this planet ‘mentally unsound’ and in need of ‘curing’?
I have to admit, I don’t understand homosexual sex. I mean if it is naturally not-exactly-possible, shouldn’t it say something about the nature of it. The mental attraction to people of the same-sex is however understandable. After all, we gravitate towards others who share the same ideals and thoughts as ourselves. So X, how do you make a behavioral disagreement into a mental illness? After all, you will never punish your children for having less-than-beautiful features.
For those who fear the rise of homosexuality as a stain of society based on the gay rights movements of the US, I share your fear. And I know that our fear is one that dreads the very day when any group or lobby gains a foothold over the others. Still I hold my stand that as a developed society, our purpose is to put everyone at the equator of all issues rather than speculate and base our present actions on senseless predictions. Or worst yet is to state your prejudiced opinions and then to hide behind au fait quotes from the Bible.
And now you know why I cry whenever I think about my gay friends. The accusal of being so distinctly flawed is profoundly lonely. And that is a path that no one should ever walk, be it alone or accompanied.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
The Making and Listing of Lists and Listed List
I love my Elmos and the whole world knows! Recent acquisitions make me feel loved and pampered. And I guess I appreciate them much more than I show since I love to play hide and seek. Here is the list, ready yourselves…
1. Elmo Notebook and Pencil; from the gang in Singapore. I now officially take the coolest notes in school due to the power conferred by an Elmo mechanical pencil. Best part: its mechanical and thus will last for a damn long time unlike those sharpening type. =)
2. Elmo grocery bag; from J’s mum. I cannot bear to use it to put actual groceries so I am putting it on my cupboard and it is currently home to all the things that I have purchased to bring home. Currently its’ contents are 4 Kinder Buenos and 2 boxes of my sisters’ favourite chewing gum.
3. Elmo PJ pants; from yf. A good combination of all my favourite things. Firstly it is Elmo, second it is blue! My favorite colour to wear. And lastly it is silky polyester! For the person who only sleep on silk pillowcases… I think I am in heaven.
Ok ok… now all I need is someone to design a classy Elmo blogskin. Heh! Just kidding people… Don’t go and do anything I won’t yeah. But I won’t mind an Elmo icon somewhere. Heh.
So now, whats the total number of Elmos I have in my room. I think I lost count.
Well since I am in the mood for lists I will now share trivial facts that are brought to you by Libragirl. Males won’t and shouldn’t really know this but there is this Australian brand of sanitary napkins that has tons of odd, interesting and nonsensical facts printed on its wrappers and whats not. Ok, so here goes.
1. Average weight loss of a racehorse during a race is 6-10kg
2. The male fox will mate for life. If the female dies, he remains single till death.
3. The only thing that can destroy a diamond is intense heat.
4. The starfish has 5 limbs but can regrow 4 of them as long as the central body is not harmed
5. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
6. The indentation at the bottom of a wine bottle strengthens the structure and helps to trap the sediments in the wine.
7. An egg shell had nearly 8000 pores that allow oxygen and carbon dioxide to flow in and out allowing the chick to breathe.
8. Researchers claim that light green as a colour is effective in relieving homesickness.
9. An average person sheds 750 grams of skin per year.
10. A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue
11. You can stop a sneeze by pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth.
12. A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.
13. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
14. 35% of people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
15. Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors.
16. Lemons contain more sugar than strawberries.
17. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
And since I am in the mood for lists and the listing of lists… Here is one last one. A list that I made more than a month ago, during an hour long lunch break that was spent in the library.
Things You Do During Your Lunch Break
1. Realise that highlighters are usually produced in 5 colours despite there being 7 colours in the rainbow.
2. Wonder why Arts Festivals Events cost so much and yet society perceive artists as starving personas.
3. Fall back into the old old discarded habit of rubbing the chin with the shoulder.
4. Go to the photocopier section of the library and accidentally become the smaller person.
5. See a book in the bookshop that claims to include all the timings and happenings in the Beijing Olympics… And wonder how is it all possible since it has just recently ended.
6. Be startled by the fact that black ink looks good on hot pink note paper. (PS: the paper was pink!)
7. Make a mental note never to entertain pink note paper thoughts again.
1. Elmo Notebook and Pencil; from the gang in Singapore. I now officially take the coolest notes in school due to the power conferred by an Elmo mechanical pencil. Best part: its mechanical and thus will last for a damn long time unlike those sharpening type. =)
2. Elmo grocery bag; from J’s mum. I cannot bear to use it to put actual groceries so I am putting it on my cupboard and it is currently home to all the things that I have purchased to bring home. Currently its’ contents are 4 Kinder Buenos and 2 boxes of my sisters’ favourite chewing gum.
3. Elmo PJ pants; from yf. A good combination of all my favourite things. Firstly it is Elmo, second it is blue! My favorite colour to wear. And lastly it is silky polyester! For the person who only sleep on silk pillowcases… I think I am in heaven.
Ok ok… now all I need is someone to design a classy Elmo blogskin. Heh! Just kidding people… Don’t go and do anything I won’t yeah. But I won’t mind an Elmo icon somewhere. Heh.
So now, whats the total number of Elmos I have in my room. I think I lost count.
Well since I am in the mood for lists I will now share trivial facts that are brought to you by Libragirl. Males won’t and shouldn’t really know this but there is this Australian brand of sanitary napkins that has tons of odd, interesting and nonsensical facts printed on its wrappers and whats not. Ok, so here goes.
1. Average weight loss of a racehorse during a race is 6-10kg
2. The male fox will mate for life. If the female dies, he remains single till death.
3. The only thing that can destroy a diamond is intense heat.
4. The starfish has 5 limbs but can regrow 4 of them as long as the central body is not harmed
5. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
6. The indentation at the bottom of a wine bottle strengthens the structure and helps to trap the sediments in the wine.
7. An egg shell had nearly 8000 pores that allow oxygen and carbon dioxide to flow in and out allowing the chick to breathe.
8. Researchers claim that light green as a colour is effective in relieving homesickness.
9. An average person sheds 750 grams of skin per year.
10. A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue
11. You can stop a sneeze by pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth.
12. A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.
13. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
14. 35% of people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
15. Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors.
16. Lemons contain more sugar than strawberries.
17. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
And since I am in the mood for lists and the listing of lists… Here is one last one. A list that I made more than a month ago, during an hour long lunch break that was spent in the library.
Things You Do During Your Lunch Break
1. Realise that highlighters are usually produced in 5 colours despite there being 7 colours in the rainbow.
2. Wonder why Arts Festivals Events cost so much and yet society perceive artists as starving personas.
3. Fall back into the old old discarded habit of rubbing the chin with the shoulder.
4. Go to the photocopier section of the library and accidentally become the smaller person.
5. See a book in the bookshop that claims to include all the timings and happenings in the Beijing Olympics… And wonder how is it all possible since it has just recently ended.
6. Be startled by the fact that black ink looks good on hot pink note paper. (PS: the paper was pink!)
7. Make a mental note never to entertain pink note paper thoughts again.
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