Everyday, questions float in the abyss of my mind, waiting to be answered. Some are rude and annoying in nature, constantly knocking hard and loud on my skull and demanding the eventual pairing with its’ better half, an answer. Those are the easy questions. Others are quiet, almost barely there and requires the effort of a silent heart to hear it.
This is the cumulative direction of all the silent questions.
This is about the gradual demise of a persons mind and memory. A man I should have known better, and taken more effort in knowing. A man, whom I am afraid, will one day look at me and not know or understand my presence, or how much his approval and thoughts will always mean something to me.
I guess it was just always easier to assume complete ignorance of the pressure of time and age when you are in the company of people who love you, or rather in this case, love the people you love.
In a sick way, I feel that in my heart I have been sort of expecting this unexpected turn. Being the eternal and somewhat comical optimist that I am, I can list you benefits and plus points of this situation. A large part of me knows that I should not be entertaining those disregardful thoughts. Still, somewhere inside, I know that I cannot deny myself of that silver lining that I am seeking because it will one day be the only reasoning voice when the eventual becomes the event.
I need to accept graciously what I instinctively want to fight. I need to be able to sit and wait, with patience and obedience. To anticipate without hatred or displeasure, the very things that I want to be furthest away from.
Armed with the smallest silver of faith, I have no more use for hope. I need courage and strength to walk this known path of concrete and stone.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment