Someone told me yesterday, that judging from my recent blog entries, I seem happier recently. And that he was happy for me.
It got me thinking.
Was I really happy? What made me happy? Why was I happy? Did I only seem happy? Did I deserve it? What did I do to feel this way? When did it all started?
Not that great a thing I know, since my mind is really my greatest vice.
But I really cannot resist the reeling of the wheels. The turning of events. The flip and flop of the things that is neither here nor there.
Every cell in me wants desperately to call a judgment. To be able to say I agree or I don’t. It’s the scientific part of me that needs a conclusion. A potent ending, to the never ending questions.
I am glad to pronounce that I found my answer.
In the midst of a welcomed hot shower, and in the quietest acceptance that I am only the now. It only matters that I am happy. No amount of fingering will yield this as a replicable fragment of time.
And so I found my peace. There is no why, who, how, what or when. No justification. No quick explanations. Not even the slightest stir.
Just a complete circle of resignations, of agreements. That I am happy.
And that. Is enough.
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