Lost in Translation

• Spanish: “No te peines, que en la foto no salís” (Don’t comb your hair, you’re not going to be in the picture): i.e., “don’t get too excited, this matter doesn’t concern you.”

• Serbian: “Da bog ti kuca bila na CNN” (May your house be live on CNN): Not a compliment.

• Hebrew: “חבל על הזמן”: Can mean either “waste of time” or “awesome” depending on the context.

• Cantonese: 鬼畫符 (a spell written by a ghost): Lousy handwriting.

• German: “Es ist mir Wurst” (it’s all sausage to me): I don’t care.

• Greek: “Εκαμεs τον μουτσιον επιστήμη” (You made masturbation a science): You’re overcomplicating things.

From the Daily What

Have you been to Wikipedia lately?

Lately, all I see on Wikipedia is this.

(from the frogman.me)

Keep Calm and Carry On

I know I have been quiet recently. And I am seldom silent. If it is worrying then I'm sorry. Still I am certain that things will improve.

I say that from experience. They always do.

My appearance today is due to the sighting of a tote bag that carries a slogan that says so little but means so much. Have a look at this slogan, don't you agree?

There is no need for a play on words. There is nothing hidden that requires deep thought and understanding. It is direct, honest and truthful. It is not deceitful and it harbours no lies.

It means what it says, and says what it means.

And we'll just keep calm and carry on.

Here is a bit on its origin if you are keen.

Because times have been trying...

... so I write less.

I'll be back when my literary voice returns.

Till then.

Memories from long ago

Its 5am and I am awake.

Stories beginning with such statements never end well. With every passing year, I seem to have lost the ability to stay sane after a sleepless night. Its like age is catching up but I am not yet old. Or at least not by my standards.

My reasons for my sleepless night aside; I have a story to tell.

My nostalgia brought me to a particular album. Turns out that 5 years ago, almost to this day, I was on an island off the coast of East Malaysia.

That was part 2 of a 3-part expedition.

Just 5 years, but why does it seems like a lifetime ago.

I almost owned the world. And with a sunset like that, what more can I ask for?

I could set up a nice camp-fire. But only with the help of half-naked and handsome men of course.

More importantly, I could row. Do you see what I am holding in my hands? I miss having full mobility of my shoulder.

The more I live...

... the more I realise that most things in life is more art than science.

The last time I was here, in front of the NMR, I had a terrible day. That day was punctuated with bouts of tears and some keyboard banging. It only ended at 10 in the night with a very grumpy me. The machine kept telling me that echo time has to be reduced. But honestly, what on earth is echo time? Even the boss couldn't tell me.

Today, I walked in with 45 samples and a terrible mood to boot. Because being in this place reminds me of the last time I was here. Reminds me that all these shiny metal are just pretty and nothing else.

But guess what? The machine worked and my samples are gorgeous and the world is alright again. Everything is smooth and my peaks are beautiful. Shimmed, right to the baseline.

You most probably have no idea what I am saying. But to put it simply, everything went so smoothly that I am contemplating more experiments.

Did I do anything different? No. Even my samples are the same. This serves to proves that there is no logic in science. Absolutely none.

Drained Dry

I owe so many things that I feel bad for lying in bed right now. Typing languidly.

Walked into the college kitchen today to borrow a pulveriser. And for some odd reason, started having tears stream down my face as the college chef scramble for tissue and funny anecdotes to help distract.

Distract the 3 year old in me.

I don't even cry often enough for myself to warrant such an episode.

Oh dear me, I feel so tired of living.

And so, how does that work again?

Ever had one of those weeks in life where it is constant giving on your part? It has been the story of my life for a few weeks now and if there is ever a question of how much more there is to give, my current state of being will be a good indication.

Lying in bed with taut shoulders and furrowed brows bothers me. And it bothers me more that it is not fixed by an hour at the gym? Roar! The gym is meant to solve everything. It does indicates so on the membership fee slip.

To be truthful, my sleeping hours are due to the generosity of pills and that is a bad thing. But sleep is a good thing. So I suppose it should work out in the long run.

So. To keep things from becoming depressive, I shall share some good news.

Good News 1:

Since the start of the PhD, my school fees have been paid by a willing party; but it weighs heavy on my heart. Known sacrifices by other people often does that to me. It is a mixture of obligation and embarrassment that does me in usually. This past week is home to the good news that the scholarship for my fees has been finally awarded and I am no longer the student that depends. Hah, I am now the independent one. Take that!

Good News 2:

Since the start of the year, I am a member of the University Gym. I paid some good money to be able to call myself that. And although I don’t use the facilities as often as I should, I have to say that it is well worth it. Recently, the college managed to secure a collective membership and thus and therefore, my paid membership will be refunded. While it is still too premature to say if I am getting a full refund or a partial refund, I guess getting money back in your pocket when you have already put it out for grabs is always a good thing. Feels like a lottery moment, even if it is not a lottery’s worth.

Just two in a sea of many. Life hasn't totally forgotten about me.

Random Facts of the Month

Because you guys have asked.

1. If you attempted to count the stars in a galaxy at a rate of one every second it would take around 3000 years to count them all.
2. Just 20 seconds worth of fuel remain when Apollo 11’s lunar module landed on the moon.
3. The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows
4. Animals that lay eggs don’t have belly buttons.
5. Slugs have four noses.
6. Camel milk does not curdle.
7. There are one million ants to every human in the world.
8. Frogs cannot swallow with their eyes open.
9. Teeth are the only parts of the human body that can’t repair themselves.
10. A quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.
11. The tongue is the fastest healing part of the body.
12. Strawberries contain more vitamin C than oranges.
13. A one-day weather forecast requires about 10 billion math calculations
14. The birth that lays the largest egg in relation to its own size is the kiwi.
15. A two-hour motion picture uses around 3.3km of film.
16. Lettuce has been grown and cultivated for more than 2500 years,.
17. Kermit he frog has 11 points in his collar.
18. The bullfrog is the only animal that never sleeps.
19. Female elephants produce only one offspring every five years
20. The African eagle swooping at nearly 200 km/hr, can break to a halt in 6 metres.
21. Cooking and freezing does not affect the heat of a chilli.
22. Termites eat wood twice as fast when listening to heavy metal music.
23. The garfish has green bones.
24. Placing a piece of charcoal, chalk or several mothballs in a toolbox prevents tolls from rusting.
25. Acorns are poisonous to humans. If eaten they will cause kidney damage.
26. On a clear dark night. A human can see a candle burning 50km away.
27. As much as 50 litres of maple sap is used to make a single litre of maple syrup.
28. When glass breaks, the cracks move faster than 5000km/hr.
29. The favorite horse wins fewer than 30% of the races.
30. A violin contains about 70 individual pieces of wood.
31. The brain is 74% water.
32. Most newborns cry without tears until they are three to six weeks old.
33. The scales on the underside of a snake are called “scutes”.
34. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
35. It takes about 550 peanuts to make one jar of peanut butter.
36. A man’s voice is deeper than a woman’s because males have longer vocal cords.
37. The koala is one of the few land animals that does not require water to survive.

TEN

Dear Mr S.O,

I believe that we all stay with someone else because we all need someone to witness our life. Be they human or not. Young or old. Parent or Child. Friend or lover.

I doubt that there is anyone on earth that goes through life completely alone. Perhaps in small moments, we find ourselves retreating into our own shell to soak in the spirit of our dreams. But as humans, we all crave the appreciation, admiration and understanding of another individual, at some point or another.

It is almost as if to cement our existence in someone else’s’ memory. Or perhaps to prove that we once breathed and lived. And to etch our dreams and ideas in another person’s mind. Because honestly, who is going to remember you when you are gone?

For the past decade I have been the most fortunate to have you as my canvas. I am not going to lie and say that my life will be ruined if I don’t have you, or you adoration. Probably it would just be different. Perhaps better, perhaps worst. But who is to say?

I am not going to lie and say that my love will persist to the ends of the world. Or that even in death, my love will endure forever. I know that I can be easily swayed with bribes of chocolate but I cannot predict what happens tomorrow. I can only tell you what is current or past.

I cannot tell you that I will want the same things still next year this time. Unpredictability is our lives. I cannot tell you how I will feel tomorrow morning when I wake up, or as I go to bed tonight.

I am not going to lie to immortalize this relationship.

But I can say that I appreciate your presence in all the time passed. In a very special way, I am the person that I am because of your influence in my life. That the course of my life has been changed forever, not because you loved me, but because I knew you as a friend, companion, lover and partner. And that I have once seen the world through your eyes.

This knowledge might have be entirely useless to you, but you are the sole witness to the past decade of my life. You might not know this but your life thus far, though separate from mine has impacted mine in many a quiet ways.

And for that, thank you…

Love, J

All tied up at work

Just when I wrote about Bobby the Cat, I have a gift from Ann.

Animal Instincts

What do you do when meet someone with a pet? Do you talk to the pet as if it were human? Do you ignore the owner and play with the pet? Do you ignore the pet?

I am asking because there is this cat that I am seeing more often nowadays. And sometimes I have no idea as to as what to do when I see him and his owner.

Usually I play with the cat when the owner is busy, say making dinner or in the toilet. But when I am occupied with a conversation with a fellow human. I ignore the cat. Is that right to do?

I think I have a male brain. I can only concentrate on one thing at a time.

One rare instance where I am able to connect with both the cat and the owner recently is to instigate the owner to peg the fur of the cat. And I was so happy that things could suddenly be a group activity that I shouted ‘PEG HIM’ so violently that you would have thought that I have money on it.

It was great fun to watch him claw away the pegs while being hostile to the person who has pegged him.

Clean family fun.

And when you think you were the odd one out.

The world is an odd odd place.

There is this girl that I know, who subjects herself to pain on a regular basis.

Have a look at her ear.

I don’t think it was meant to be that purple.

I don’t think it was meant to be purple at all!

All this from martial arts training! Hmm. Why do people do that I wonder?

The world is full of odd odd people.

Winter blogging from beneath the duvet and from the streets

Winter is a beautiful season.

Since being in Australia, I am constantly amazed at how much the landscape changes throughout winter. As the leaves fall and prepare to bud again.

Just have a look at the color littering the pavement. I am happy to be walking on this path everyday.

Almost seems as if it is a different world every morning.

Some days the ground is wet with a light shower of rain. On other days the fallen leaves are crunchy and they crinkle with the kicking footsteps of a lonesome teenage. The atmosphere, it has a mind of its own. Sometimes it is gloomy and dull but other times it is bright and cheery with the errant ray of sunshine.

It is a beautiful world.

The Butterfly Effect of Friday Nights

I really don’t feel like talking about chocolate at this point in time. After making 4 differently flavored ganaches I am done with chocolate. But I have to tell you about this one chocolate place for if I fail to, I feel as if I have let all of you down.

For the past few Saturdays, I have woken up feeling parched with a metallic taste in my mouth. The metallic taste is from the iron that is bleeding out from the pinpricks on my lips. And the parchedness, from the lack of water.

I often take the entire weekend to recover, aided by constant consumption of fluids. I flush this odd feeling away within 2 days so that I can be respectable by Monday morning for another week of dramas.

If you are a slant-eyed self respecting Chinese like I am, you know what this means. There can only be one word for such a state and it is called ‘heatiness’.

It is so hard to explain to a Westerner the concept of ‘heat’. Every time I try, I fail. Now I avoid bringing up such radical 4-letter words. The world is obviously not yet ready for such revelations.

Anyway. The point of me telling you about ‘heat’ is because there is a fixed source in my life. Currently, every Friday night is spent chilling at Chocolat, with a huge mug of warm chocolate constantly warmed by a tea-light candle that flickers randomly.

While the conversation is often, how should I put it, incomprehensible to pristine minds. The chocolate is always delightful to meet my lips.

Like any Chocolatier, they have an assortment of truffles and other small sweets for sale in their temperature controlled display. Some are highly unoriginal. But hey look. A chocolate spoon to stir your chocolate drink with!

Licking spoons have never been this fun.

Some pleasures in life stem from the simplest things.

Macawrong to Macaron: Finale

Since the last post, I have been madly baking. There is now almond semolina on every surface in my room. Well… not every surface but almost.

Now now, where were we on this journey? Nipples. That’s right. Don’t flag me for inappropriateness cause really; a nipple by any other name is still a nipple yeah? The results of the last batch made me think real hard. What on earth could contribute to nipples in macaron batter?

Was I under-folding when I mixed the dry ingredients into the egg whites? Hmm, that might explain the chunky batter. But because the surface of the skin looked almost mars-like, I suspected that I should process the almond meal to be finer. And this is what I got.

The clear difference between this and the previous batch really is a smoother dome. And of course, the lack of the nipple. The surface of the skin is still a tad bit crackled though. This made me think really hard.

You never want a scientist to think really hard. Really you don’t because we will apply all sorts of scientific theorems and exert all our mental energy to solve the dilemma that is presented to us.

So I spoke to the college chef who has some experience with pastries and sweets. She gave me several advice ranging from a drop of vinegar for acidity, granulated sugar for stability, to ignoring the fact that most recipes call for soft peaks and whip my egg whites instead of firm peaks.

The firm peaks part made sense for the little macarons that I have been piping do seem a tad bit deflated. That is one thing that I will adopt.

I also stumbled upon a startling scatterplot at Not So Humble Pie.

While this is not exactly approved peer-reviewed quality, this will do. The chart shows clearly the ratio of almond meal to icing sugar per gram of egg white in most recipes posted online. I don’t really have to say this but it is generally foolish to ignore tried and tested recipes.

In my last post I mentioned that I was using the Alison Thompson recipe, which is in the ratio of 1.4:2.25:1. Takes no rocket scientist to tell that I have been working with an outlier. (See my out*LIAR* recipe represented by the blue speck.

Phew. It was never me all along. This is the part where I point an accusing finger at Alison Thompson and shout all sorts of obscene vulgarities. Heh.

Another try, this time taking in the college chef recommendation of whipping to firm peaks and dropping the ratio of the almond meal.

And this, dear friends and wayward readers, is what I get.

That’s right. Perfectly coloured little macaron shells with a crust that pose barely any resistance. I have no pictures to show for it but they don’t even have the dreaded air pocket too!

I could barely stop hopping the tiny kitchenette! Little babies of mine.

Thankfully I managed to master this before the kotatsu gathering next weekend for I have sort of announced that I was bringing some of these yummy little things. While I am off experimenting with other flavours and fillings. I shall leave you with this last picture of them filled with dark chocolate ganache.

Don't say I left you with none.

Macawrong to Macaron: Resting (Part 2)

In my last macaron post, I somewhat described the ideal macaron structure. Syrup and Tang sums it up really well in a pictorial form.

Macaron Nazis will say that the ideal macaron is much more than these 4 points. They detest the air pocket under the smooth dome and practically have an ideal measurement for the angle of the rising dome. But for this struggling student, what I am aiming for in this series is just what is described in the picture above.

So first of all, feet. All macarons have feet.

Some argue that the French meringue method yields taller feet when compared to the Italian meringue method. And there have been various debates on the causes of feet formation. One commonly cited process essential to feet formation is resting of the piped batter before baking. This is meant to form a ‘skin’ on the top surface of the macaron batter and when baked, the skin can rise, due to the pressure exerted by the egg white meringue under it, forming the classic dome. This exposes the rough batter, which we term as the ‘feet’.

Another process that may contribute to feet formation is having heat from underneath the pan. Heat from under the pan is meant to start cooking the batter from the bottom up, causing air to be released from the meringue, which travels upwards, pushing the domed lid up and (you guessed it) exposes the ruffled feet.

Whichever belief you subscribe to, feet formation is closely related to skin formation. A good strong skin is required to trap the rising air. In my multiple previous attempts, resting the batter did nothing for me. I got the sameugly cracked yellowed hard chewy cookie. This time I am relying on the dry Melbournian winter to help me stabilize the egg whites.

Here is the moment of truth. Rest or no rest.

Following the recipe in Alison Thompson’s book titled simply Macaron, I used a ratio of 2.25:1.4:1 of icing sugar:almond meal:egg whites. All units in grams. This is the typical French macaron method I am talking about. Egg whites whip to soft peak, fold in dry ingredients, pipe and bake.

To test the effect of my first variable, which is rest, I made one batch of macaron batter. Everything was well till the macaronage bit when I thought the batter looked a tad bit too chunky. Still, I piped onto two trays. Baking one immediately and resting the other for an hour.

Rested macarons are to the left

Resting obviously has a drastic effect. The rested batch rose higher, had more feet (not too clear in pictures, I obviously need macro lens) and was a tad bit smoother than their non-rested counterparts. I was startled. My first macaron with feet.

It was upsetting that the macaron shells lack the characteristic smooth dome and possess the undesirable nipple. I apologise for the lack of a better word. I can only attribute this nippling to the chunky batter. Macaron batter is generally thicker than what most pastry chefs are used to. Ribbons or batter falling onto themselves are meant to disappear within 30 seconds. That nipple you see there was resting for an hour!

You know this called for another installment of the macaron series. Onward to extermination of the nipple.

Something to think about.

They say that 'What you see is what you get'.

Its not what you see, it's how you see.

How you see is what you get.

How you see is what determines your results.

Because it is how you see that determines your reality.

-Warren Macdonald

Macawrong to Macaron: Part 1

The very first time I tasted French macarons I was unimpressed. It was chewy sticky and overly sweet. I did not understand why people flock to buy them from Lindt Café in Sydney. How on earth is a gooey mess of wet sugar appealing? But I pretended to vaguely like it for it was a gift from a housemate who flew them all the way back to Melbourne.

The second time I tried macarons, it was in Bakerzin in Singapore. I fell in love with it. It was unlike anything I have ever eaten. Light and airy, with a tinge of intense sweetness that fades as quickly as it appeared. I could have eaten 10 if they were more affordable.

This is not to say that macarons in Singapore is way better than those from Lindt Café-Sydney. My virginal experience with French macarons was ruined the moment those delicate wafers went on board the airplane. The change in air pressure was enough to introduce moisture into those fragile pastries, deflating the airiness.

And this is the story of how my obsession was borne.

I have made so many batches of ‘failed’ macarons, or maca-wrongs as they are commonly called, that it is becoming embarrassing. Google tells me that I am not alone in this failure. Nearly half of the internet feels my pain. Hmph, I am determined to get this right.

I refused to be beaten by a little small round French pastry. I am no expert baker, although I don’t consider myself a novice. Whichever way, I know that I am a trained lab researcher so this is how I am going to approach this.

I have a plan to attempt macarons at least once a week till I get it right. With each batch, a variable will be introduced and the nature of the variable would be dependable on the outcome of the previous session.

From previous macarons attempts, I constantly got flat, cratered, sticky macarons without the coveted ruffled foot. Ahh, the notorious foot.

Several factors can influence the foot-formation. Half of the articles on the internet will tell you to let your macarons rest after piping them on the tray. This is so that a ‘skin’ may form and when baked, the ‘skin’ will rise exposing the coveted ruffled feet.

However not everyone feels that way. Rob who works at Fauchon thinks that overfolding contributes to the lack of feet. Which sort of makes sense as well. Deflating the egg whites in the folding stage may cause a collapse in the macaron structure, leading to no rising and no feet. Interestingly, Rob does not believe in resting the piped batter and he gets great ruffled feet from baking them immediately. Tests of resting batter by David Lebovitz showed that resting does indeed leads to prettier feet.

I used to get no feet even with a long period of resting and I am slightly doubtful of rest being key to macaron feet. But the idea of the ‘skin’ forming and rising makes perfect sense to my logical mind so that would be my first variable in the series of macaron baking attempts.

I wonder how things will go from there.

Weekend Project: Footscray

The next-door chapel has a thing for a theme. Every week, the message at the sanctuary would be in accordance with a theme regardless of the speaker background and inspiration. And this year the theme happens to be ‘Homeland’.

Home is a simple word that we all learn in preschool. But it is such a hard word to define. It may be a place, a person, a feeling or even an idea.

Being the nomad that I am. Home is usually a person to me. But if I have to find a place which somewhat resembles home in Melbourne, it would have to be Footscray.

Footscray does not exactly look like home. Neither is it filled with people from home. But when you are at Footscray, there is this sense of how all time has stopped and that you are back to your 5-year-old self on a Saturday morning.

Your parents are not at work and the entire family is out on an adventure to the neighbourhood market. You sit and have some breakfast, which is usually an array of dishes from a range of foodstalls.

As you dig chopsticks and spoons into communal dishes, there is always someone bustling about. And yet you know that no danger lurkes. When you are done with breakfast, you wonder into the wet market: marveling and observing.

It doesn’t matter where your parents are. And you are never concern if you had lost your way because in a very special sense, you are in your element. So you sit for hours at a small obscure corner with your eye on the fishball maker on his wobbly wooden stool. Pinching fully rounded balls of mince fish meat out from a highly unattractive pool of gooey lump.

Or you can watch the women with their arms weighed down by the many colourful bags they carry, prodding the skin of fishes and examining their gills and eyes. And the uncle behind the booth is always bathing in a fountain of flying scales as he run that magical device over a chosen salmon or promfret.

Although Footscray does not have a huge wet market with such sights… it triggers those fond memories. I cannot help but smile to myself as I walk among the throngs of shoppers, feeling quite present in the moment but lost in the vast idea of time.

Tonight I Can Write the Saddest Lines

I love P.Neruda. I spend the afternoon reading Merton today and I had picked out some excerpts that I would have liked to put it in this space. Or I could have wrote about my tiny little weekend adventure. But, since this is my blog and I can choose to write whatever I want: I am choosing to leave you with this.

Neruda always brings a fresh perspective into the things he writes about. He write about things from socks to wine. ! But the best bit about his poetry (to me) is that it is never about the subject. He always manages to personify his feelings so exactly and paint such a clear image that you would think that you can make a model of his emotions given enough plasticine. Or something.

Feast your eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example,'The night is shattered

and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms

I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me sometimes, and I loved her too.

How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.

And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.

The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.

My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.

My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.

We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.

My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.

Her voide. Her bright body. Her inifinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.

Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms

my sould is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer

and these the last verses that I write for her.

Hot Flushes. GOSH its' menopause.

Feeling particularly snarky today I decided to make a list. It is not a surprise that most lists are boring but hey, anything organised generally is so don't be judgemental with this particular one.

But then again this list cannot be boring for the fact that it describes 5 scenarios which I find particularly irritating. And I am sure that my thoughts are so commonplace that most can find themselves identifying with at least one of them. So feast your eyes. I am not responsible for any stones that might be thrown in anger

1. The word ‘pop’. Particularly when used in cosmetic videos/advertisements/compliments.

Honestly. Who are you trying to bluff here. Your eyes are still flat on your face. Doesn’t matter how much eye shadow you put on. The angles and shape of your eyes remains, surprise surprise, the same. Go have a look at the dictionary. Saying pop has to imply that your eyes either exploded, or protruded or is pushed/thrust/put out suddenly. So please. Go pop a balloon, pop a bottle of beer. Pop in a CD. Pop a cherry even, but leave your eyes alone.

2. Saying LOL in a real life conversation.

LOL was invented because it simplified the chatting world. It is hard to express laughter in the virtual world with 3 or less alphabets. Hence LOL was invented and developed. Laughing in real life is actually simpler and easier and not to mention better for you then saying LOL since there is those awesome chemicals that are produced. So please, don’t use ‘lol’ verbally in real life. Not cool to say ‘lawl’. Doesn’t matter where and how. Unless of course you are saying it as a quote to illustrate how some people use it, then that is fine I guess.

3. Answering a question with another question.

Ever had that scenario where you arrive with friends to a certain destination and someone ask, ‘Where are we going?’ and the other person reply ‘Where would you like to go?’ This is a classic example of answering a question with another. And it drives me nuts. Why on earth do people do that? If you don’t know where you are going, say DON’T KNOW. It is not that hard. Don’t act like a smart-ass by answering a question with another question. Not attractive at all. Answer the existing question if you have to speak if not silence is equally appealing.

4. Asking a question and not waiting for an answer.

This is called a monologue. But of course you don’t need me to tell you that. It is relatively ok if it is someone stressed talking to themselves. But it is not cool when you are in a position of authority, standing at the front of a swanky meeting room, heading an all-important meeting that you called. I have witness so many of this coat wearing, big headed, self absorbed beings standing at the front of a room, asking their employees questions to clarify matters and avert the answer by either answering it themselves or directing it to someone who does not know the answer and hence won’t reply. Honestly. What are you doing? Engaging yourself in a power struggle? How interesting… If you need someone to tell you how powerful you are, go home to your loved one. Or go parent a child… They will gladly express how grateful they are to you. Don’t take it out on your employees.

5. People who call you and then ask you who you are.

This often happens when you are picking up a phone on behalf of the actual owner of the phone line. Say your friend is busy with poopy diapers. Or your grandmother is taking a nap, or your father is driving the car. You kindly pick up the phone on their behalf and say ‘hello’ only to be verbally assaulted by the voice on the other line, which almost always aggressively go ‘who are you?’ So. Which dumbo calls another and ask ‘who are you’ upon getting a ‘hello’. It is a universal rule that the person who initiates the call introduces himself or herself. Why do such people even exists?

I tell your mother then you know.

So.

May marks the 4^th month of the job. I have officially lost my mind. And if this whole thing is an infant, this is the point where I stuff a cork up the arse so that I never have to clean up the odd textured non-Newtonian liquid oozing from the top of the diaper.

Yes I will be a good mother that way.

College living has officially sterilized me. Hear that Mr S.O? You get your wish. I have no more desire for 4 kids and you can now cancel that secret snip snip that you wanted to do on the sly.

I have not said anything about Mr. SO for the longest time. And there are people out there getting worried. You come up to me asking how on earth is he doing when here I am right in front of you in pieces and you don’t give a damn? Fine.

Well, I barely speak to him anymore with this alternate life that I am living as a responsible adult with absolutely no appetite for alcohol, dangerous/risky behavior. He is still Mr. SO but it is just that maybe it is time we ‘reconnect’ on facebook. But hey, that is alright with me cause some idiot once said that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Anyway. If you are after some Mr SO info, he is feeling mighty proud for he just received his brand-new spanking scratch-free 15” Macbook. And being the nerd that he was, he baptized it with his simulation software. Even before a Skype session with his girlfriend who he has not seen in ages.

I know public domestic quarrels are not attractive. And I would never ever want to put all you readers in this awk-ward position. But I have to let him know that 15” is not all that great cause you have yet to see the 27” beast.

Once you go big, you just can’t do small anymore.

That’s right.

Go interpret that sick phrase anyway you like.

My Altered Ego on Tiramisu

Most people know that I love to eat. But what people don't know is that I really love food. I am not exactly good with cooking, but when given the time I love to explore recipes, tweaking it till I get the right texture and taste. I even have a separate blog where I jot down cooking notes!

Sometimes in my play cooking session, I deviate further from what is authentic to make the dish more appealing to my Singaporean taste buds. But isn't cooking aimed at pleasing your own taste buds anyway?

One dish that I (think) I have perfected is the Tiramisu. Most tiramisu these days omit the mascarpone and use custard as substitute for traditional zabaglione in an effort to make the layered cake simpler without taking away the layers. But trust me, once you tried this recipe, you would never go back to the tiramisu from the cold section of any supermarket.

I like my tiramisu alcoholic. But then again, I like most things alcoholic so that statement is kind of redundant. I also like my tiramisu firm. In my mind, layered cakes should stand tall and proud as a single slice on a plate. I frown upon serving tiramisu in cups for it just highlights the fact that the whole cake is weak, soggy and lacks structure.

So try this recipe. I guarantee that if you do this right, you will be in for a great reward. I'll try to get a picture for you this weekend if I can get supporters for eating it. No guarantees.

Enjoy~

Tiramisu Ingredients List (for a cake measuring 6" x 8")

5 large eggs yolks

½ cup + 4 tbsp Caster Sugar

250g Mascarpone Cheese

300ml Cream

6 tbsp Coffee

12 tbsp Kahlua (or other liqueur that you like)

1 packet Savoiardi Sponge Finger Biscuits

Drinking chocolate for dusting

Large Lasagne Dish or any other oblong dish

Zabaglione

Whisk egg yolks and ½ cup caster sugar till pale and thick.

In a double boiler, continue whisking while adding 4 tbsp of kahlua.

Whisk continuously till it takes on the texture of custard taking care to avoid burning the zabaglione at the bottom of the pot (7-8 minutes).

Put pot into cold water to stop the heat, continue whisking for 1-2 mins to dissipate residual heat. Avoid overwhisking.

Tiramisu Cream

Whip the cream till just past the soft peak stage in a clean bowl.

Stir the mascarpone till it takes on a lighter creamy texture, Avoid whipping mascarpone.

Fold in the whipped cream in 2 stages till completely folded.

Fold in the zabaglione slowly.

Dipping Mixture

Dissolve 6 tbsp of black coffee* and 4 tbsp of caster sugar in 1 cup of hot water. Ensure that all the sugar is completely dissolved.

Add 1/2 cup of ice-cold water to coffee. Mix well then follow with 8 tbsp of Kahlau.**

Top up to 2 cup of liquid volume.

Put the coffee into a container that will fit your sponge fingers for easy dipping.

Putting it Together

Dip the sponge fingers into the coffee for about 10 secs each on both sides and lay them in a flat layer on the bottom of a dish. If there a spaces that are unfilled, cut sponge fingers to fit. Check that all the sponge fingers are adequately soft by prodding with your finger, and add coffee to them with a spoon if they are not. If excess pools, drain liquid.

Layer 1/2 the tiramisu cream on top. Aim for a layer that is 2/3 of the sponge finger height.

Repeat with another layer of the sponge fingers, and top with the remaining cream.

Bang the tiramisu tray down on the tabletop by dropping the tray from a height (10 cm) after everything is assembled. It is tempting to level during each layer but you want to avoid pulverising the spongefingers without the cushion of cream. This step also ensures that the cream fills the empty corners and allows the bubbles to rise to the top.

Refrigerate overnight (or at least 6 hours depending on the size of the tiramisu).

Dust drinking chocolate/cocoa powder over the top of the tiramisu just before serving.

Note: The tiramisu will taste the best the day after making.

Try to do the zabaglione in a metal bowl for better heat control

Always prepare the mascarpone for folding by mixing and introducing some air with a spatula. Skipping that would give you a hard time with the folding since it is heavy when set.

Buy the best mascarpone one can afford. No point wasting calories on bad food.

*Alternative to coffee powder is 6 shots from a good coffee place and work with the volume in recipe

**Omit for child-safe recipe

Dusting of cake should be done before serving. Doing it way before causes the dusting to be clumpy upon storage.

Weekend Project: Elegance Served

Time is sacred these days.

I feel that I can identify with what Tina Fey said in the movie "Datenight". She said something along the lines of how she sometimes fantasise about being alone in a hotel room somewhere, with a book in one hand and a bottle of sprite in the other.

I fantasise about being alone. Doesn't matter where and with what. Just alone. Without any expectations. Questions. Provocation. Silly pressing issues. Just me, myself and I. Somewhere. Alone.

So today after a highly over-rated experience at Red Emperor with some friends, I took the highroad and went to stroll about the Southbank Farmers Market. A delightful little place where there are tons of little stores. Correction: over-priced little stores. Selling prints and other crafts and such.

Imagine my delight when I found a serving platter in a rejects basket. AUS$10 and in my favourite colour: red. Lined with 24-caret gold. For my keys and such.

Joy in the littlest things.

The reason why I might give immediate business to eye specialist soon...

They term this personality trait : forward-looking

Uhm. Houston. We have a problem.

For the past week, the kichenette area has been under attack by a siege of ants. And that makes me an ant killer/expert. Here is what you should/should not do when you find yourself in my position.

Lesson 1:

Use a spray. And it should come with a scent. The spray makes it easy to reach a wide area and allow you to come into contact with ants only after they are dead. I don’t like bug spray because it is really harmful and this is my kitchen we are talking about. Thankfully I love the smell of ammonia in window cleaners so that is my preferred way of ant homicide.

The scent is really important since it help to erase the trail set by the previous army of ants. This leaves the next batch of ants a little confused for a few hours.

Lesson 2:

Mouthwash can deter ants from a certain place. Ants are like vampires. We use nonsensical stuff such as silver bullets and garlic against vampire and ghosts. The equivalent for ants do exist. Mint. Cayenne Pepper. Tabasco sauce and black pepper is the same. I happen to not have any of those on hand at this point in time but I discovered that minty mouthwash is good as well. And I use it to prevent the ants from crawling down the side of the cupboards and onto the floor.

Lesson 3:

Don’t bother with baits unless you know the colony is indoors. Baits are meant to kill the entire ant colony and doing that to an outdoor colony is just wrong. Deter them from entering your home by caulking and grouting any available entrances through which they may enter. Then you may kill the ones stuck in your home with a spray. If the entrance cannot be grouted, sealed, caulked, puttied, feel free to use any of the scent methods in lesson 2.

Lesson 4:

If all else fails, call pest control.

p/s: I do not detest ants as long as they are not the biting variety. I am generally not an ant killer. I know people who pour bleach down ant-hills just because they can and I am not that type of person. I don’t hate ants, but I prefer to think that I can co-exist with them being outdoors and me being indoors.

New Appreciation

You know what you like, don’t you? You know that you like a certain colour and a certain way of doing things. You know you like a certain person.

At the same time you know what you do not like. You know why a certain person irks you so and why there is no way you would do a certain thing, perhaps at a certain time.

And I am one of those people. I thought I knew. But the truth is I keep asking myself all the time, why is it that I like Murakami. And what of his writing keeps me going on.

It is undeniable that I enjoy his works. But I have found it so hard to put into words, why is it that I enjoy Murakami, more than say Charlotte Bronte.

Not till today did it dawned on me that I thrive in the world that he created. One that is free of spiritual commitment and opinion. Devoid of all expectations and subtle nuances of what things should be and could be. The world he created is bizarre, I grant you that. But there is never a hint of the oddness, unless it is intended.

And I love that the word ‘impossible’ is irrelevant when reading M.

The Real Deal

Today, I met the stuff of my nightmares.

When I first moved into this cozy flat at the start of the year, I was given a small box of pest poison to control mice problems. I left it in a hidden corner and prayed hard that it is just a precautionary step taken by the college for an imaginary problem.

Because I stay alone in this cozy little flat, I know if someone has been inside or if someone has been here. I know if something is broken because it is old or if something is broken because someone has been rough. And best of all, I know why things are dirty or disarrayed.

But nothing I can remember explains the ant infestation in the kitchen when I came back today. I have not done anything sugary lately. I have not eaten in my room. So how is it that the ants are having a party in the absence of all these goodies? Don’t you just love it when something happens and it cannot be explained?

Buffered Silence

I write this with a heavy heart for I have not been the most faithful. The last time I wrote (properly) was for the summary of 2009 and since then I have lapse (again) into a habit of not writing and not documenting and it is weighing on my heart. I must try to be better.

I want to write a light-hearted entry where I poke fun at my terrible housemate and proceed to laugh myself silly. Except that I now lack housemates. But hey! I am so not complaining! I adore the fact that I have a bathroom to myself and that I can entertain all my pet peeves like some neurotic psycho without having to explain myself to anyone or anything.

I could write about my eventful life as a residential tutor! Except that when you work at a place where you stay, it puts you a position where I have to be careful about what you say about other people but at the same time also careful about what I say about me. Yes, I am THAT way. I am protective about the people I know and I am also selfish and crazy and I hate that there are people who know that I have TEN TOES and that they are all HUMAN. Hence I will refrain from that topic. Since anything interesting at college would be really scandalous and inappropriate for publishing on a platform such as this. And everything boring, well… they are boring, so I kind of assume you won’t want to read it at all.

Other interesting events in my life recently revolve around the process of a PhD. And if I am good, I might just tell you a tale or two one of these days.

Things I Swore I Will Never Ever Do.

Some days boredom drive you to crazy deeds. On days when all you do is lie about in college reading compilation of Murakami in short bursts you realised that life ahas got to hold a tad bit more meaning than that.

And so you go for a leisure round of golf with a bunch of noobs who barely know how to hold their clubs. This is inclusive of me of course. We just whacked instead of doing stuff Tiger Woods style. I ought to be more careful about referencing to Tiger Woods these days. Somehow he is now better known for other things than golf. Hmm.

And you go golfing with people who own clubs that are most probably older than they are.

Life is sometimes hilarious.

Odd Facts Old and New. Perhaps the longest list ever

1. 1. Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

   2. Animals that lay eggs don’t have belly buttons.

   3. Slugs have four noses.

   4. Flamingos are pink because they eat shrimp.

   5. Camel’s milk does not curdle.

   6. There are one million ants to every human in the world.

   7. Frogs cannot swallow with their eyes open.

   8. Teeth are the only parts of the human body that cannot repair themselves.

   9. August has the highest percentage of births

   10. Google is a number. (1 followed by 100 zeros).

   11. The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.

   12. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

   13. Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

   14. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.

   15. Mageiricophobia is the intense fear of having to cook.

   16. People do not get sick from cold weather; it’s from being indoors a lot more.

   17. A quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.

   18. The tongue is the fastest healing part of your body.

   19. Strawberries contain more vitamin C than oranges.

   20. A one day weather forecast requires 10 billion math calculations

   21. The bird that lays the largest egg in relation to its own size is the Kiwi.

   22. The average person spends 2 years on the phone in his/he lifetime.

   23. The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows.

   24. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most stolen from public libraries.

   25. On average a 4 year old asks 437 questions a day.

   26. The bullfrog is the only animal that never sleeps

   27. Every year the moon moves a further 3.82 cm away from the earth

   28. The Eiffel tower has 1792 steps/

   29. If you attempted to count the stars in a galaxy at a rate of 1 every second it would take around 3000 years to count them all.

   30. Just 20 seconds of fuel remain when Apollo 11’s lunar module handed on the moon.

   31. A tigers’ paw prints are called pug marks.

   32. A 55kg crocodile exerts force of approximately 700kg between its jaws.

   33. 26 minutes of slow dancing will burn 420kilojoules.

   34. The main purpose of growing rice in flooded paddocks is to drown the weeds surrounding the seedlings.

   35. It takes an average 90 squirts from a cow’s udder to make a liter of milk.

   36. Horseracing regulations require no racehorse‘s name to contain more than 18 letters.

   37. Sheep will not drink from running water.

   38. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

   39. During the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries in England, egg whites were a popular form of laundry detergent.

   40. The Hollywood sign was erected in 1923.

   41. One of the best ways to clean pewter is to rub with cabbage leaves.

   42. Iceberg lettuce, until the 1920’s, was called crisphead.

   43. About 10kg of milk is needed to make 1 kilogram of natural cheese.

   44. The size of your foot is approximately the size of your forearm.

   45. The only thing that can destroy a diamond is intense heat.

   46. On average, women dream more than men.

   47. There are 34 bathrooms in the White House.

   48. The largest member of the cat family is the male lion weighing 240kg

   49. Candles burn slowly and evenly with little wax drippings if places in the freezer for an hour before using.

   50. When the human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off and you never get thirsty.

   51. Bees have to collect nectar from four million flower to make one kilogram of honey.

   52. The indentation at the bottom of a wine bottle is to strengthen the structure of the bottle and to trap the sediments in the wine.

   53. The short-term memory capacity of most people is between 5 and 9 items or digits.

   54. Mickey mouse had four fingers on each hand.

   55. The average person spends 2 weeks of their life waiting for a traffic light to change.

   56. 120 drops of water fill a teaspoon.

   57. The Inca Indians of Panama tie a string of chillis behind their boat to repel sharks.

   58. The largest pumpkin ever grown recorded a weight of 482 kg.

   59. Emus and Kangaroos cannot walk backwards.

   60. Ancient Romans believed chickpeas to be a powerful aphrodisiac, especially for men.

   61. Babies have taste buds all over the insides of their mouths, not just on heir tongues.

   62. Researchers claim that light green as a colour is effective in relieving the feeling of homesickness.

   63. An average person sheds about 750 grams of skin per year.

   64. Embryos of tiger sharks fight each other while in their mother’s womb, the survivor being the baby shark that is born.

   65. Ancient Greek or Roman men had an average lifespan of 36 years.

   66. A fear of dying laughing is called cherophobia.

   67. A baby grey whale consumes enough milk to fill more than 2000 bottles a day.

   68. Snails have teeth.

   69. A “bap” is a hamburger bun in England.

   70. The gastric juices of a snake can digest cones and teeth but not fur or hair.

   71. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.