Everyday, I Play

Everyday I am presented with the opportunity to learn something new.

Every single moment of my apparently insignificant life is a lifetime of experience in itself. Sometimes I am too busy yielding to the demands of the world to recognize my own mortality; but today is tinted in a different light.

Today I learn that it is easy to make something appear seamless. It is almost effortless to appear as if nothing has changed. It is easy to say ‘I am okay’ but infinitely hard to convince someone of it. More so yourself. It is easy to whittle to your knees and wail but impossible to hide from the words of sympathy and condolences that suddenly flood your world.

I long to disappear into silence and nothingness. Perhaps in there, there is a suitable misery to mirror this void. No substitution exists; every impostor that tries, fades and decay, lingering into a certain shame that puts my wants on a pedestal.

In all that murkiness is a certain realization that what I innately desire is furthest away from the goals that I should be pursuing. And the humbling recognition that the coming days will be a struggle to be paid with tears and an infinite amount of heartache.

I need a certain reality where the world I live in overlaps sweetly with that of my imagined mind.