Ever had those moments when all you want to do is clench your hands into balls of fists and feel your fingernails digging deep into your palms? I am having one of those moments now.
This is one of the sacred moments where I go DAMNED DAMNED DAMNED because my brain is not functioning the right way. The right way being the way that I want it to be, which should be the only way considering that it is MY brain.
Do you get me? No? Let me illustrate this for you…
Spring is here. And that is my favorite time of the year, or rather one of my favorite times of the year since I still am undecided over autumn or spring but you get the idea. I love how the evenings are now balmy instead of chilly and the noontimes are blindingly bright and cheery. It makes me happy to see sunshine after a cold winter and I am all ‘DUDE LETS GO OUT AND PLAY!’
Trust me on this. If I had a tail, I will be wagging it. If I am a dog, I will be panting with my tongue half-hanging out. But ALAS! I am human! And that would mean that I have to sit here writhing in my own whiny and wanting agony to go out and play, because my brain is calmly making organized plans for the thesis-that-is-yet-to-be-written, and ignoring my needs to be out in the sunshine.
DUDE! MY BRAIN TOTALLY BETRAYED ME!
I sense a certain future ahead of me where I will have countless such moments of brain-not-listening-to-instinct. I am fantasizing this one scenario where something screws up as a result of my brain manifestation, and my beloved instinct get to stick its tongue out and tell the brain I TOLD YOU SO. However that seems rather far off and impossible. The more likely scenario would be something screwing up due to my primal instinct. The ending would be somewhat like this. The brain will be too angry and mad to say anything mean, the instinct will be all apologetic and docile for eons afterwards while things are being rectified, and the nerves will be in absolute disarray. Yes that is how my life will play out at the end. You may get to witness it if you stay long enough and if I don't die in a car crash tomorrow. But that is the problem with my instinct really. Sometimes it just gets out of hand and hence my avid suppression of it at every possible point in time. People, it is not that I don’t want to have fun but there is no room for fun when my brain is alive!
DON’T YOU GET IT?
It seems to me that it is turning out to be a day of capitals. I LOVE TO TYPE IN CAPS! Listen up. There are three sorts of therapy in the world. The first type is the expensive type for filthy rich people who have so much money that they have problems because they are too rich. So they go and rent designer lounges by the hour and sit and talk about their problems. They call that doctor the shrink because those sort of therapy shrinks your wallet really quickly because it needs an awful lot of hours to get through all your issues.
Well the second type are the cheap type where all you need is easy access to secluded places. Those sort of therapy will see you putting yourself in dangerous positions like on the edge of a sharp cliff or at the peak of some hill/mountain or near some open water source like the sea/ocean/lake. And what you do is cup your hands around the corner of your mouth and give the loudest and longest scream that you can ever do after which you will fall to your knees oh-so-dramatically and collapse in a heap of yourself except that you are now immensely relieved, stressful and cheery.
And then there is the third type of therapy where you need access to a computer keyboard and all you do is TYPE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. With tons of EXCLAMATIONS!!!!!! You can type ANYTHING YOU WANT OR DESIRE. This method is CHEAP AND INEXPENSIVE!!! It is easiest form of therapy out there. It is the anytime anywhere type of therapy. And it will leave you feeling… well the same as before except that you will now grin lopsided and silly. And there is also that slight possibility that people will think you are cuckooed beyond repair.
BUT WHO CARES!!!!
When my brain and my instinct are at loggerheads there is no time to waste on what other people are thinking about me. What takes center stage is the argument in my head, it doesn’t matter if the world stop revolving, because my brain and instinct will still be putting on a show for all the other audiences in my head.
OH! WAIT A MINUTE! JUST WAIT A MINUTE! I FEEL ONE COMING…
Brain: I cannot wait for the moment when the thesis draft is ready and complete and all that I have to do is to just email a copy to boss with a small note to ask for his opinions on it. –scatters heart and star shaped confetti-
Instincts: -throws a stack of printed thesis in boss’s face- THERE THERE THERE THERE THERE THERE THERE!!!!!!!!!!! HOPE YOU LIKE READING A THESIS IN CAPS AND PUNCTUATED ALL BY EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!!!!!! –turns and disappear in a puff of smoke-
-sighs-
When will my brain and instincts agree???
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