Quiet Reminiscence|Loud Yearning

I had the following entry saved in a word document for more than a week now. There was no reason for me to put this up as a public post but well... things happen. They say that disappointment is a lover's word and it is indeed true. And for all things else, the love song by Mr Brown says is all.

I hate to admit the number of times I have gotten mad at SO for being judgmental of my home country, or fellow country men even. I try not to even think about the number of times he had made insinuating remarks about the island I called home. But worst of all, I am ashamed to say that I sometimes share the thoughts he harbor.

The place that my country has become in the past few years disappoints me. It makes every fiber of me want to deny that that was a place I once, together with many others proudly proclaimed as mine. While the country I knew was not perfect, it was not yet presumptuous, not yet authoritative enough to invade my mind to try and teach me what is right and not right.

With every reading of the papers at home that might as well be campaigning articles slash propaganda flyers meant to convince me of my vote, I am convinced otherwise. And I am sorry, to the extend of being apologetic, for being so terribly blind to senseless government processes and policies that only make sense when you are aiming to keep the current parliament seats warm with the same asses that has been warming them for so long now.

I feel pathetic even, for I find it so hard to denounce the things that I hold close to my heart. And I find it harder to realize that the distaste in my mouth as I pen these virtual words is not a discomfort that will go away or disappear. The wailing knowledge that my faded want is now nothingness, does not seem to pacify the angriest tears. And I weep, for that I am still imprisoned by the memories of what could be in my mind.